Don't underestimate the accuracy of horoscopes
by XxabridgedgirlyxX
Summary: After receiving a prediction that Hijikata will die by the end of the week, Kondo hires a professional to guard the demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi. Let's just hope Edo will still be standing by Friday. HijiGin
1. Lesson 1

**Indeed, your eyes are not deceiving you, this is the first chapter of the fanfiction that has been haunting me for a bit less than a year now. Though not all chapters have been written, I am still posting this. I will however not post them all at once since I still like to check some more, even though I now have a wonderful beta-reader, namely aoi_aka on LJ. Thank you, you are such a sweetheart! I'll stop talking now, enjoy!**

**Rating: T for cursing, Okita, explosions, mayo toothpaste**

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**Lesson 1: If you ever did something bad to another, be prepared to get it back tenfold**

_Now for the weather forecast, it will be hot today with possible short periods of rain. Tomorrow..._

Hijikata only half listened to the weather girl and continued to brush his teeth with the mayonnaise flavored toothpaste. His black hair rather messy, and eyes showing signs of fatigue. As any respectable Shinsengumi member, he was already dressed in his uniform, minus his ascot and jacket. Though his katana stayed faithfully at his side. Both terrorists and the sadist had impeccable timing.

_The rest of the week it will continue to be dry and warm. The weather can change even faster than a teenager's mood, so don't complain if I was wrong._

"Ah Toshi! Awake already?" The sound of the voice made him turn around to face his commander still dressed in his pajamas. Luckily not the ones with little hearts on it, Hijikata noticed with relief. Only that man could get away by walking around in _that_ and still not lose face in front of the Shinsengumi. At least the men respected him, with or without the ridiculous sleepwear.

"Mornin', Kondo-san." The mop of black hair turned back to the screen, put extra yellow colored toothpaste on the brush and went on with the brushing. The other sat down next to him and started talking about his latest attempt at convincing that woman to at least look at him without punching him out cold. Out of habit, he answered with 'hmm' and 'probably', not entirely focused on the conversation at hand or the weather forecast. The commercials came up next and after a few minutes of watching a bald man grow hair miraculously, the next program began.

Kondo quickly averted all his attention to the small screen. "Ah, look Toshi! It's time for 'Dark Astrology with Ketsuno Ana'!"

"What about assholes?" Hijikata was clearly still half asleep but the ominous music coming from the television snapped him back to the realm of the awake. He sighed as he saw blood dripping from the program's name in the middle of the screen and a creepy music started."Ah, Kondo-san. Don't go telling me you believe in that sort of stuff…"

"Shhh! It's beginning!" Hijikata sweat-dropped as he watched Kondo glued to the screen, notepad ready to record every little detail for later analysis.

Another person entered the room and Hijikata didn't look up as the sadist, already completely awake and dressed in uniform, took a seat next to him.

'_Of course he's awake, he's only asleep when he's _not_ planning something. '_

The intro music stopped and Ketsuno Ana, dressed in a pink kimono, appeared on the screen. The talking went on and on but Hijikata paid more attention to the mayonnaise taste in his mouth. His fortune was coming up, and even if he didn't believe in such nonsense, it was always amusing to hear what they predicted every once in a while.

_This week's worst fortune is reserved for Taurus. You will probably die this week, but if you manage to make it alive till Friday, you will find the love of your live. Your lucky color is silver._

Hijikata sat there unfazed, though slightly uncomfortable, still brushing his teeth as both Kondo and Sougo turned their heads in his direction. The first with a look of shock and worry, the second with faked interest. Hijikata was sure he saw a certain familiar look in the young man's eyes.

Hijikata stared right back "What?"

He got up to rinse his mouth. Neither Kondo or Sougo said a word and watched him clean his toothbrush at the sink.

_Libras will have better luck but will encounter some financial problems. Also beware of sharp things. Lucky color is blue._

"I don't believe in that crap." After putting away everything, he splashed some water in his face to shoo away the fatigue. He dried himself off and after collecting his katana, he went over to the door. Alarmed by a sudden burst of sadistic energy, he turned around and saw a katana coming his way. Experienced when it came to dodging his subordinate's sudden attacks, he skillfully jumped away and avoided getting stabbed in the back. Some would be shocked by the actions of the younger man, but it was normal when it came to the vice-commander and captain of the First Division. The katana was stuck in the wall and Hijikata ignored the 'Che, missed again' and watched Sougo try to pull out the katana. He recovered from the sudden attack and prepared for some yelling.

"What the hell are you doing so early in the morning?!"

Sougo finally got the sword out and turned back to his target. "Ah, Hijikata-san. Don't get mad, she said silver was your lucky color this week so I wanted to give you my katana." He held it up for him to see, "See? Silver." He pointed at it with an innocent blank look on his face. Kondo, completely taken over by the fake innocence, patted Sougo on his back and lectured the second-in-command that he should always accept gifts from others, even if it meant losing a limb or two.

"I'd lose my life if I accepted gifts like that!" The Vice-commander stormed off and closed the door behind him, leaving Kondo to console the seemingly heart-broken Sougo.

* * *

"Put some more muscle into it, men!" Kondo yelled at the training men who were swinging down wooden swords with cries of 'hu'.

"It's not 'hu', it's 'ha'!" At Kondo's remark, all men starting yelling 'ha' instead of 'hu', making Kondo nod proudly at his men. All were practicing hard, save for Okita who was sleeping and Yamazaki who was practicing his backhand. But quickly started to run for his life as his vice-commander once again caught him playing 'minton.

"Yamazakkiii!"

Hijikata gave chase to the poor spy. Sometimes Yamazaki wondered why he had become a Shinsengumi member but tried to defend himself anyway.

"But, Hijikata-san. It's just the same isn't it; swinging down a badminton racket or a wooden sword." He noticed a slight bump on the road ahead of him and jumped over it, "I really need to practice more!"

"Get here already to commit seppuku!"

The raging vice-commander, not noticing the bump on the road or even too angry to give a damn, just ran over it but would soon regret this faithful decision.

Something went 'beep'.

Hijikata stopped as he heard a familiar sound come from under his feet.

'_Oh, shi…'_

The smoker exploded with a loud bang and lay first face on the ground in a burnt, crumpled heap. A slight twitch in his left leg.

The men were alarmed by this and they all prepared for an incoming attack from the Joui faction. Sougo just calmly waved at them to carry on and walked over to the possibly dead vice-commander.

"Hijikata-san, still alive there?" Sougou crouched next to the small crater the explosion had created and poked the object inside of it with his wooden practice sword. He received no response and turned to Kondo.

"Ah, Kondo-san. No fun, he's dead already." He poked it again and received a 'Die Sougo' in response.

"Or not."

* * *

"Just where are those terrorists hiding?" Hijikata walked around Edo, the third-in-command of the Shinsengumi walking beside him. Training had ended rather abruptly and as it was Monday, he had to patrol in the morning and in the afternoon. The red light district had already been checked but he refused to go back until they found someone to arrest, even if it was only to quell his anger. Hijikata sighed at the lack of suspicious people and turned to the other.

"Ne, Sougo. W…" He looked at his subordinate and saw him carefully writing a very familiar name in a notebook. A black, ruled notebook and knowing Sougo that could only be one thing.

'_Death Note?!'_

"Just what are you doing?" His eyebrow twitched.

Sougo looked up with big, innocent eyes, playing his role perfectly. "But Hijikata-san, I was just helping you out of your misery."

His eyebrow twitched even more at that.

"I was just going to end it quickly for you, seeing as you will die a horrible death by Friday."

'_End it quickly?! And they didn't even say I was going to die a horrible death! What is this, wishful thinking?!'_

"So, which one do you prefer? Choke on mayonnaise or get hit by a car?" Sougo didn't look up and debated which choice would be the best, seeing as as it was still possible that he would survive the second, but it would be a lot more painful. Or maybe the mayonnaise, they always did say that love would kill you in the end.

"Neither!"

He walked off and accidentally kicked something.

Something went 'beep' again.

"Sougo, you basta…" But he saw the other was still behind. A safe distance away. The only thing the people of Edo saw was a giant explosion and when the smoke had cleared up, the only thing that could be found was a burnt cigarette and a lost bottle of mayonnaise.

* * *

"Ne, Toshi. This is really problematic."

Kondo sat in front of the smoking Hijikata who looked like he would really kill someone in the next minute. Just that morning, the unfortunate man had been blown up, hit by lightning on a cloudless day, almost overrun by a car, blown up again, got hit by a motorcycle going on a rampages, and had almost been crushed by a pack of roof tiles. Even then Hijikata refused to admit he believed in horoscopes but had agreed to this meeting in Kondo's office after a third car had almost hit him, in no less than an hour.

Kondo crossed his arms over his chest and nodded with a serious expression. "If you keep attracting bad luck, you won't be able to do your work properly. You'd better take this week off."

"Yes, Hijikata-san. Take the week off, or rather, just drop dead already." Sougo added, mask still over his eyes, "It's bad for you health."

"You just shut up already! And are you really convinced death is going to solve my health problems?!!" Hijikata gritted his teeth and lit up a cigarette. He slowly inhaled and calmed himself down before speaking up again.

"Besides, you need me around here." It was a fact that couldn't be denied. Hijikata was the brain of the Shinsengumi, the motor that kept it running.

He knew he had won that argument and enjoyed the tobacco between his lips. He inhaled again and looked at Sougo, surprised to find him sitting there with a grin on his face. The output of sadistic energy reached its peak and Sougo opened his mouth to propose the possible demise of Hijikata.

"Ne, Kondo-san. Why don't we hire Danna to babysit Hijikata-san?" Kondo looked back at the youngest of the duo in confusion, "He can look out for Hijikata-san so he can still do his job. Besides, as silver is his lucky color, Hijikata-san will always have his lucky color with him."

'_You are the fucking' misfortune!'_ But he kept his mouth shut.

Kondo closed his eyes and thought it over. Hijikata, finally realizing that Kondo was actually considering it, looked back in shock at his subordinate and saw the grin hadn't disappeared yet. He needed a plan of action. He thought of all possible excuses he could give Kondo to not hire the Yorozuya, but all in vain.

Sougo finally went for the kill.

"He's capable enough and we're sure he won't leak out any information. He's the only person we can trust to do this job, Kondo-san."

The killing blow was delivered and Hijikata felt himself surrounded by light. He could see a tunnel with a bright light at the end, all the mayonnaise waiting for his arrival. He was snapped out of his near-death experience by Kondo and felt like pummeling someone.

A badminton player would do.

"Brilliant idea, Sougo!" The commander jumped up and ran to the phone, already dialing the number of the Yorozuya office. Hijikata watched him with a shocked expression and could feel the sadist's glare on his back. He turned around and glared right back. Some electricity sparked when their eyes met and a little spark set a part of the tatami smoking.

'_You'll pay for this.'_ Was the thought that flashed through Hijikata's head and he put out the small fire with his cushion. After successfully saving the barracks from even further damage, he passed by Kondo who was talking to the Yorozuya on the phone and walked outside, looking for someone to beat up.

"Yamazaki!"

* * *

"Gin-chan, who was that?" Kagura looked up from the television and averted her attention to her 'boss', "Someone you're in debt with?"

Gintoki looked back. "No, Kagura-chan, it's not good for a little girl to say things like that."

He put the phone back on the hook and went to sit on his blue couch. He picked his wallet out of his yukata's pocket and opened it. Only a few coins could be found and after heaving a big sigh, he put it back and hung his head in defeat.

'_Guess there's no other option.' _He looked up and turned to the young Yato girl. "Oi, Kagura. I got me a little job."

She kept her attention on the television screen. "Does it involve selling yourself like Sahara-kun had to do to be able to pay his sister's niece's uncle's debt?"

Gintoki sweat-dropped. "Just what have you been watching on that?!" And he pointed accusingly at the television.

'_Well, I'm just selling my soul to the devil… No big deal.' _He sighed and left his comfortable couch for the door. After putting on his boots, his gaze wandered to the television-watching girl.

"I'll be back on Friday!" He closed the doorbehind him and was greeted by the mild spring wind.

'_It's picking up again.' _

He descended the wooden stairs and halted in front of the snack shop. He debated if he should enter or not, if he did, he should prepare an escape route in case she decided to demand the rent.

'_To enter or not to enter…'_

He shrugged.

'_Might as well ask, she's not going to kill me.' _He opened the door and entered the dark snack shop, ignoring the 'closed' sign. There were a few lights on inside, since only a small bit of light filtered inside through one of the windows. The smell of tobacco hung in the air.

"I'm sorry, we…" The old woman behind the bar started to say but stopped as she saw the good-for-nothing perm step in. "Oh, it's just you," Otose lit up a cigarette and inhaled, "What do you want?"

'_Yet.' _

"Well you see-" He started.

"You're not getting off this month." She cut him off abruptly.

Gintoki sweat-dropped at the natural reaction of the older woman but continued, "Not that." He scratched his head and averted his gaze. Asking a favor wasn't something he enjoyed doing. He sighed and looked back at the older woman.

"I have this job I have to do, but I'll be away till Friday, so…"

"I'll keep an eye out for the brats." She exhaled and averted her gaze to look at Tama who was cleaning, "You don't have to worry."

A smile graced his lips as he headed back to the door of the small shop. "Thanks, I'll try to pay the rent this month." He closed the door behind him but couldn't help but cringe at the sudden screaming.

"What about last month?!"

At least he had escaped...

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**It's actually been quite a while since I've been nervous to post something, but I really am right now. Well this chapter is only roughly 3,000 words, but future chapters will be more around 6,000 words, but I thought it was a good time to stop right here, otherwise it would get confusing. It will be around 7 or 8 chapters, though I think I'll need more than that... I'm done talking now.**


	2. Lesson 2

**Bah, update. Haven't gotten that far yet but hey, I'll at least try to update frequently! So first of all, big thanks to all of you who have reviewed and/or have read the story so far, i'm very glad to see that there are people out there reading and (hopefully) enjoying my work. Once again, this chapter has been beta-ed by aoi_aka, so the lack of grammatical errors and typos is all her doing. Well, here ya go, chapter 2! Enjoy!**

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**Lesson 2: ****If you leave a corpse lying around, it might come and haunt you**

Hijikata stormed through the halls of the Shinsengumi barracks. Left and right, frightened men did not dare stand in the demon's way and chose to run as soon as the vice-commander was in a three meter radius. Yamazaki, the only one to miss the fact that the dark-haired man was giving off a dark and menacing aura, found himself in such a position. The following minutes were filled with screaming and both Kondo and Sougo held one minute silence for Yamazaki's brave sacrifice. Kondo saw Sougo's closed eyes and thought that he had had fallen asleep but, after one minute, the third-in-command stood up and left Kondo's office. He looked around the hallways and grinned at the damage his superior had done. He saw Yamazaki lying on the ground, badminton racket next to him. It seemed he had just enough time to write a dying message with his blood, asking Kondo to take care of his badminton racket as if it were his own. Okita took out a blanket and covered the corpse with it.

'_Getting Hijikata-san and Danna to spend a week with each other is asking for disaster.'_

He ignored the groan of pain the corpse gave and an evil grin spread on his face at the suspected outcome of his plan.

'_I love it.'_

* * *

The natural-perm samurai walked as slowly as possible, on purpose, in the direction of hell itself. He had been called in the middle of a Monday afternoon and the gorilla commander had asked for his services. The lack of money which he suffered frequently didn't help matters and for the sake of his own livelihood, he had accepted. Gorilla-san had first given a long introduction before finally getting to the point; babysit Hijikata. The other had insisted on calling it otherwise but to Gintoki, it was babysitting. The commander was worried about 'Toshi's' safety after he had watched Ketsuno Ana's horoscope show on TV. He wasn't really one to believe too much in such things, but, as said by the gorilla himself, 'Toshi' had had extremely bad luck that morning. Gintoki couldn't help but chuckle at the nickname, short for Toushiro, which, involuntarily, reminded him of the otaku spirit that possessed Hijikata's katana not too long ago.

When the man had been under the otaku's curse, Gintoki couldn't have cared less. After a while he couldn't explain why, but he had started to miss the smoking mayonnaise monster. Never would he admit it out loud. It was good to have him around again, even if they fought as soon as they saw each other.

The weather was slowly beginning to change and Gintoki fastened his pace. A small wind picked up and the sky was getting cloudier, almost overcast. The sun was mostly hidden behind the clouds and he felt his already foul mood worsen. Bad weather was a bad omen. He sighed and picked up the pace a bit more, thinking about the job that had been offered. The terms of this job were rather strict; he was supposed to watch Hijikata 24/7 and make sure he didn't meet any 'misfortune' as Kondo had formulated it. He didn't really exactly know what Kondo meant by 'misfortune' but knew that this job was surely going to cause him pain. Oogushi-kun's underling, namely the one with light brown hair and maroon eyes, continuously tried to kill him. Gintoki was fully aware of the sadist's methods and it was going to involve explosions and bazookas. He could get along pretty well with the kid despite how scary he might be once in a while. Gintoki doubted that the bombs would choose Hijikata.

He passed shops, houses and the usual bar. At the corner, he stopped and noticed a new shop that had opened. It looked like a snack shop or bar but it seemed no one was around, figuring they were still unpacking things, Gintoki crossed the last road and stopped at the gate of the Shinsengumi barracks. After weighing his options, he finally moved to ring the doorbell, but was surprised when his finger only met wood.

'Please don't tell me that all those taxes aren't enough to buy one stupid doorbell. Even I can afford it.' He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. 'Fat chance they're going to hear me knocking.'

He inhaled deeply.

"OOGUSHI-KUN!"

Gintoki crossed his arms over his chest and tapped the ground impatiently with his right foot. He closed his eyes while waiting and switched over to his left foot, continuously tapping the ground with impatience and growing irritation.

"Che, they must be deaf."

"No, not really. Just a bit slow."

"Damn right you are." Realizing someone had answered, Gintoki looked up and saw the previously mentioned sadist standing at the gates.

"Ah, so there is someone home, you almost made me come here for no reason at all."

"We have a job for you."

"Not a job; babysitting."

"Touché, but it's not really babysitting."

Feeling that this conversation wasn't going to lead anywhere, Gintoki dropped the subject and stepped inside without another word. Okita followed suit, closing the gates first and catching up with the silver-haired man. The youngest entered the compound first and showed the way. After a minute or so, they passed by Yamazaki's corpse, covered by the blanket and Gintoki halted. A few seconds of silence passed before he opened his mouth again.

"Is he…?"

"No one survives the wrath of Hijikata-san."

"May he rest in peace."

After slightly bowing his head, Gintoki continued to follow Okita, choosing to ignore the fact that the corpse was moving under the blanket.

"I'm not dead yet!"

"So, everything's clear?"

"Yeah, yeah…" The Yorozuya rested his chin on his hand and placed his elbow on the table, unable to sit upright longer than five minutes and pay attention at the same time. He picked up his teacup and took another sip, visibly cringing at the taste.

'They need a woman around here.'

"Kondo-san, didn't I tell you already that it isn't necessary?" Gintoki hadn't heard him enter but anyone would be able to smell the cloud of cigarette smoke that constantly hung around Hijikata. The vice-commander was still smoking with an expression as sour as ever.

"But Toshi…"

They didn't need him in the room to argue with each other and Gintoki stood up, unnoticed by the arguing pair, and headed for the kitchen. 'They better have parfait here.'

He greeted Yamazaki's ghost along the way and once he had checked the kitchen and had found nothing sweet, he passed by the supposed ghost again and gave him a card with the address of a ghost inn, going back to the office, muttering something about his sugar-intake.

Yamazaki just took the card and watched the man go back to his commander's office.

"But I'm not dead!"

* * *

The sound of the doorbell made the Yato girl look up from the Jump issue from about three weeks ago. The doorbell rang again and she put on her ultra-bored face, eyes going from left to right and back to the left.

He's not there to order around, so might as well call him out.

"Four-eyes! Go get the door!"

"Why are you even ordering me around?" A 16-year old boy came out the kitchen and gave the young girl an accusing look before walking over to the door, shouting that they had already received a newspaper that day (and that they, as matter of fact, didn't have any money for another one). He opened the door and was surprised to find an old man standing in front of him. The man, about as tall as Shinpachi himself, wore a green yukata and looked as if he were in his sixties.

"This is the Yorozuya, isn't it?"

* * *

"Oi, why are you following me around?"

His eyebrow twitched.

"That's my job, isn't it?"

He fingered his katana but kept it sheathed.

Hijikata put his hands in his pockets to resist the urge to punch the bastard right in the face. Not that he could hit him if he tried. The bastard could dodge with ease, but just the satisfaction of lunging at him would be enough to keep his temper in check. Monday meant patrolling both in the morning and in the afternoon, but somehow he found himself even more annoyed than this morning, even if it had been a rather explosive one.

"You always slack off."

"Ah, Oogushi-kun! That really hurts Gin-san, you know." Gintoki placed his right hand over his heart "Just to think that I've done so much for you." Hijikata knew the bastard had rehearsed this and tried not to rise to the bait.

But failed.

"Just what have you ever done?!" He almost drew his sword but being in the middle of the street didn't help matters. Gintoki was in this case the 'victim,' mercilessly attacked by the demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi. They really couldn't afford any more bad publicity. Sougou had already blown up more than five shops and six harmless citizens this month alone.

He reached inside his coat and took out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one up. Instead of attacking the other, he blew cigarette smoke in his face. Gintoki couched and fanned his hand in front of his face.

"If I don't get killed by your sword, it'll probably be that smoke of yours that'll do the trick."

"You're just gonna die of diabetes."

"Just what's wrong with sugar?" He crossed his arms over his chest, "Better than that yellow stuff you like so much."

"Did you just insult mayonnaise?! Apologize!"

By the end of their argument both walked around with some bruises, getting attention from passersby and curious kids. Ignoring the fact that he already looked like a delinquent, Hijikata couldn't help but smoke again and inhaled the nicotine. Gintoki looked back at the man and sighed.

_'He smokes even more than a chimney.'_ The wind messed up his hair further and he slightly scowled at the dark clouds in the sky. 'Hope this patrol ends before it comes down.' This was only wishful thinking and soon, the rain poured down on them. Hijikata seemed unfazed by this and continued to walk. Gintoki, knowing what the water would do to his hair, slightly cursed but followed Hijikata nonetheless. 'Why didn't I bring an umbrella?'

"Maybe Ketsuno Ana was right. You do seem to have the worst luck." Hijikata watched street vendors and people alike go back inside their shops and houses but chose to ignore his companion. Gintoki thought he hadn't heard him but finally received a response.

"That's probably why I'm stuck with you, isn't it?" He cursed as the rain put out his cigarette and threw the now useless wet cigarette in a trashcan. The silver-haired man felt slightly insulted but let it be, not feeling up to it anymore. His hair was becoming wetter and wetter and the rain was dripping down his neck, his clothes already becoming soaked.

"Ah, Oogushi-kun," Hijikata stopped walking and cringed at the nickname, "I don't think any criminals will come out in this weather. Can't we go back to the barracks already?"

"Just what are you, a spoiled brat complaining to his mother?!"

"I don't remember being brought on this earth by someone like you."

"Just how could you remember being born? And why are you comparing me to your mother?!"

"You're the one who started it."

"Bastard…" Gintoki heard the threat in Hijikata's voice and it warned him that he needed to duck.

Now.

The katana swung just above his head and Gintoki jumped back a few feet to avoid the next incoming attack. Hijikata was giving off an evil aura that would put even a devil to shame and pulled his katana out of the ground.

"Oi, oi. I'm here on a job. Don't go killing me now." Gintoki defended himself, not really at ease when the vice-commander was angry. He tended to swing his katana when he was angry, aiming at the source of his anger. Now that the source of that was himself, he couldn't help but gulp.

"It's been a while since we last fought, I just don't want you to go slacking off." Hijikata readied himself and firmly held the katana in both of his hands. The rain didn't show any sign of stopping and both men were already drenched. Gintoki felt his hair cling to his neck and looked at Hijikata, then back at the katana in his hands. After a few seconds, he smirked and pulled out his bokuto, taking it in both of his hands.

"Fine then," He walked a bit closer and mimicked Hijikata's stance, "But don't come complaining to Okaa-san when you get a cold from playing outside in the rain."

Hijikata ignored the comment and smirked at the promise of a good battle.

"I'll just have to end it quickly then!" With that, he ran forward and collided with Gintoki's bokuto. The wood didn't make way for the hard steel of the katana. Hijikata backed off and prepared to strike to the right, only to be blocked by the bokuto again. They kept pushing each other back and forth till Gintoki stretched his right leg and tried to kick Hijikata away from him. The vice-commander saw the attack coming and was forced to jump away to avoid it.

_'Damn, he's way too powerful.'_ Hijikata knew he was no match for the Yorozuya when it came to power and speed and wasn't ashamed to admit that. _'But I can always try to outsmart him.'_ He saw the silver-haired man coming in for the next attack and tried to read him for the umpteenth time. Somehow it was impossible to read that guy's movements and sometimes Hijikata wondered just where he had learned to fight. He realized just in time that the attack was aimed at his left and smirked when he easily blocked the assault.

The silver-haired man looked up at him and a childish grin spread on his face. "Looks like I won this one."

Hijikata looked in confusion at the man in front of him but was too late to react. Gintoki kicked his legs out from under him and the vice-commander hit the ground before he knew it. He tried to swing his katana at his legs but saw the other's foot firmly planted on the blade.

"Looks like we'll be going back to the barracks now, won't we?" Gintoki lifted his foot and crouched next to the scowling Hijikata, taking the growling as a yes.

* * *

The sound of glasses and plates breaking made Shinpachi sigh. After recovering from the initial shock of having a customer, they let him in and he had acted as the head of the Yorozuya seeing as the original freelancer was 'working.' The youngest Shimura sibling doubted that he was indeed working but still tried to believe that the samurai would at least have a good enough reason to leave Kagura alone till Friday. The old man was the owner of a new snack shop that had opened up not too long ago. The man, Saitou-san, had temporarily hired them to help him out in the snack shop till he found permanent employees. The shop was devoid of any customers so Saitou-san had asked them to clean up a bit.

Big mistake.

Even more glasses hit the ground and Kagura kicked a table out of frustration. Shinpachi just stood there and watched the table fly across the room, landing somewhat close to the door. He prepared to leave but stopped when he heard their new boss laugh.

"Haha! I have a grandson about your age. You're just as clumsy as he is!" The old man walked over to the Yato and took the remaining plates and glasses from her. Shinpachi sighed in relief and smiled at the sight. At least they could keep this job for a bit longer than expected.

"I'll handle the glasses and plates, you can go help your friend over there." Kagura saluted the man and grabbed a bucket of water. After throwing the water out on the floor, she tied two brushes to her shoes and started skating around, gaining another laugh from the older man.

"Look out so you don't fall, Kagura-chan." Shinpachi went back to cleaning the floor but couldn't help lecturing the younger girl.

"Who are you? My mother-in-law?" She skated on and Shinpachi turned back to his work, not really wanting to give a response. A few minutes passed in silence and Shinpachi found it strange that Kagura hadn't broken anything in those minutes, but was glad nonetheless.

"Oi! Four-eyes! Come look!" Kagura half-shouted in a hushed voice.

Shinpachi didn't look up from his work. "What is it, Kagura-chan? We can't go slacking off."

Kagura suddenly pulled Shinpachi down with her and both sat on the ground, while she carefully looked out the window. He wanted to ask what was wrong but she pointed outside and his curiosity took over. Hijikata was walking together with their 'boss' in the direction of the barracks.

"Isn't that nicotine-poisoning and Gin-chan?" She turned to her companion and received a nod. They watched as they both entered the barracks and closed the gate behind them.

Kagura turned to Shinpachi with a serious expression on her face. "Are they having an affair?"

He sweat-dropped.

"I doubt it."

* * *

Hijikata shivered as he searched for some spare clothes. They had stayed in the rain too long and both of them were soaked to the bone. Normally he wouldn't really mind but when he had fallen, his uniform had gotten dirty. He quickly switched into his black yukata and hung his cigarettes out to dry, his lighter was already a lost cause. He realized patrolling the city had taken more time than he had anticipated.

He was exhausted.

He stretched and walked out of his room. It was already dinner time and he was starving. All the men were seated at the table and eating, chatting with each other about the latest episode of 'Ladies Four.' He spotted the sadist sitting next to his bodyguard of the week, who had already switched from his wet clothes to a pale blue yukata. Kondo sat opposite him and as soon as the commander had spotted his old friend, he motioned him to come over. When Hijikata sat down next to Kondo, the man started talking. Hijikata poured himself some sake and felt relieved when the liquid ran down his throat.

"Well, you see, the Yorozuya needs a place to sleep." Kondo started, not really getting Gintoki's nor Hijikata's attention.

"We could always give him Yamazaki's room, he's dead." The sadist answered, taking the sake from Hijikata and pouring himself some more. Yamazaki passed by the table and cried to himself, was he really that dead?

"Although I've seen his ghost around here, probably looking to avenge his death." All heads turned to Hijikata but the vice-commander wisely ignored it.

"Ah, no, that wouldn't do," Kondo crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head, "I've seen Yamazaki's ghost around here too, it's dangerous."

"Well, Danna needs to look after Hijikata-san so I think it's only normal to have them sleep in the same room."

Both Hijikata and Gintoki almost chocked on their respective food and/or drinks and Hijikata, after recovering from the initial shock, sent Sougo a warning glare.

'Who the hell would agree to that?!'

"Another brilliant idea, Sougo!"

Hijikata felt the need to hit his head against the table.

_'I really wanna die right now.'_

Dinner ended and night came quicker than Hijikata had wanted. He had hoped to avoid this, being around Gintoki 24/7. But just as Sougo had suggested him coming in the first place, of course he also had to be the one to come up with this idea. Hijikata groaned in frustration and opened the door to his room.

"Your side of the room, my side." Hijikata stated in a cold voice, first pointing at the half closest to the door, and then back to where he was standing. Gintoki watched him with interest as he moved his futon and quickly spread out his own, laying the blanket on top. Both men crawled into their respective futons, Hijikata the one with the mayonnaise bottles and Gintoki the one with the strawberries, and the latter put out the light.

"You'd better not snore."

"Hmmm…."

"Oi? Oogushi-kun? You asleep already?"

A slight breathing noise was the only thing Gintoki heard and he tried to see the other in the dark. He saw a slight part of Hijikata's face and saw his eyes were closed. He smiled a bit and closed his own.

_'Good night to you too.'_

* * *

**Ah already finsihed? Yup, already.. Well if I say already, and you're thinking the same, that would actually be considered a good thing seeing as you wanted the chapter to be longer, even though I still don't think this is one of the best chapters... Meh, I do think I can score a few points with _'do you think they're having an affair'_... I'll shut up now, but seriously, writers need to post their comments at the end of each chapter, but mine don't really make any sense at all... Ah well, before I go, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! **


	3. Lesson 3

**Man, it's the third chapter already. This is the longest chapter yet, roughly 7,000 words of pure blood, sweat and tears. Once again beta-ed by aoi_aka, who probably regrets ever volunteering to do so. Well, I can only say thank you to all of you who have reviewed, I am glad to read that you like the story. Back on topic now, this is the first chapter with some actual romantic hints in it, but I do hope I kept them IC. Also, to the anonymous reviewer April-sama: I thank you kindly for reviewing, I am glad that you like it. And as you can see, there is already an update. And to everyone, please enjoy this chapter.**

**

* * *

**

**Lesson 3: When wearing a uniform, make sure you don't forget the ascot**

Hijikata blinked a few times and squinted at the light. He threw the blanket with the little mayonnaise bottles on it off of him and shivered in the cold morning air. The door to the garden was slightly open and he was relieved to see the rain had stopped.

'_I was out like a light yesterday.'_ He yawned and lay his head back on the pillow, not really wanting to get up. He guessed it was around seven and he didn't need to patrol in the morning. He turned on his side to sleep a bit more but was met by a strange sight.

"Huh?"

He saw Gintoki lying a few feet away, his eyes were closed and his breathing steady, making Hijikata believe he was asleep. He started to sweat a bit and racked his brain for an explanation. He calmed down once he remembered last night's events; the other had to sleep in his room so he could keep an eye out for him. Or an eye closed in this case. He sighed and looked at the man's face.

'_At least he's quiet when he's asleep.'_

He studied the man's expression and watched his chest rise and fall. His curly silver hair, messy as always, covered part of his face and Hijikata had to resist the urge to push those locks out of the other's face. He studied his face a bit more and wondered how someone could have such strange coloured hair, together with those blood red eyes. Albino's usually had trouble seeing or couldn't stand bright lights, but Gintoki never seemed to have a problem with his eyesight.

'_Ah, what am I doing anyway!' _He wanted to turn away but couldn't resist glancing at the man's face one more time. A slight noise made Hijikata's head shoot up, he squinted his eyes at the door but couldn't see anything. Even when he had confirmed there was nobody, he couldn't help but feel a little paranoid.

'_Why am I acting like a kid who's caught with his hand in the mayo jar?' _He glanced at the door a last time and turned around again.

He sighed.

_'Damn, now I can't fall asleep anymore…'_

* * *

Okita walked down the corridors of the Shinsengumi barracks, bazooka in hand. After counting four hundred and forty-six dead Hijikatas, he still couldn't fall asleep and had stayed up the whole night. It didn't really matter as they had to train in the afternoon so he could catch up on his sleep.

'_It's not because Hijikata-san doesn't need to patrol this morning that he can go slacking off.'_ He rounded a corner and reached the door to Hijikata's room after another minute. He placed one knee on the floor and rested the bazooka on his right shoulder.

'_Better wake him up.'_

He silently opened the door a bit and peered inside. He wanted to aim and fire but stopped once he saw Hijikata looking at Danna's face. He was slightly confused at first but quickly recognized the look in Hijikata's eyes. The vice-commander, even if he didn't know it himself, always looked at his sister like that back in the day. He lowered his bazooka and slightly cursed at the noise it made. He swiftly closed the door and hoped Hijikata would still be too sleepy to check. After waiting a few seconds and making sure he hadn't been seen, he grinned and stood back up.

'_This is an unexpected outcome.'_ He walked back to his own room and put the bazooka away with the rest of his personal arsenal collection. _'I'll help him a bit.' _He grinned and thought how he could use this information.

'_This is going to be even more fun than I first thought.'_

_

* * *

_

"So what does our honorable vice-commander have to do this morning?" Gin mocked the other and pointed at him with his chop sticks to emphasize his point even further. He had woken up with the grumpy mop of black hair nowhere in sight, so he just got up and went to breakfast. He found him there, sitting next to his commander. Gintoki went to sit opposite from them and, after first helping himself to some rice, he inquired after their schedule. Some more went down the hatch and he still waited for an answer from the man. Okita soon joined their company and sat down next to Gintoki. He greeted everyone with a small nod and began his breakfast.

"Training in the morning and patrol in the afternoon." Hijikata replied, getting a sound of affirmation from his bodyguard, who proceeded to eat his rice, now at a much slower pace.

"You'll need to wear a uniform."

The statement alone almost made Gintoki choke on his breakfast. He looked up, some rice still on his mouth, with a look of confusion and slight horror. Only once he had worn such a uniform, seeing as he needed some stealth, but was ever so glad when he could change back into his regular clothes.

"But it itches! It's way too warm and I can't even move in that thing!"

"Ah," All heads turned to the commander, "Why not wear this?" He displayed his own summer version of the coat and Okita didn't look up when Kondo mentioned it had been his idea in the first place.

"Don't. Even. Try." Gintoki swallowed and watched the shining metal of the blade against his neck, held by the vice-commander while he emphasized every word with clear threat in his voice.

He lay his katana back next to him and watched the Yorozuya's expression change again.

Hijikata couldn't help but be pleased at the look on Gintoki's face. He just knew all the terror he'd have to go through this week would all be worth it because of that look. The other looked completely shocked and he noticed a hint of horror on his face, which made it even more difficult to restrain the smirk he was holding back. At his question of why, he had answered that the old man, Matsudaira, could come for a surprise visit any day and his normal outfit would stand out too much. Besides, the people could be thinking he was slacking off if he was seen walking around with a civilian during duty.

"You can borrow one of Toshi's." Kondo piped up. "You're as tall as he is." Gintoki received another glare from 'Toshi' saying that if he even got the littlest speck on it, he'd have his head. The freelancer only sighed and put down his bowl, not feeling hungry anymore. Before the bowl had even touched the table, the sadist had already intercepted it and was stuffing himself even more. He sweat-dropped and couldn't help but picture Kagura sitting next to him.

"Finished?"

* * *

"Here." He threw the black clothes, neatly folded up, into the silver haired man's arms. He walked away and looked over his right shoulder a last time. "You can dress up here, and hurry up, we're already late." He closed the door behind him.

Gintoki watched the man leave and looked back at the clothes in his arms. He unfolded them and took the coat in his hands, feeling the slightly raw cloth under his fingers. He took off his belt and let the yukata slide of off his shoulders. He proceeded to take off his clothes and after throwing them into a corner, he looked back at the folded uniform.

'_Now, let's see.'_

The uniform was more difficult to put on than he had remembered. The pants were fairly easy but the shirt that went under the coat wasn't really cooperating. He took the dress shirt in his hands and noticed a faint smell coming from it. Curious as he was, he brought the cloth to his nose and smelled the cloth.

'_Tobacco.'_ Even with washing it, the smell of cigarettes kept lingering in the cloth.

'_Smells kinda nice…'_ He didn't know if it was the smell itself or who it reminded him of that made it smell good, but Gintoki would put the blame on the smell. It did remind him of Hijikata but he refused to believe that was the reason it smelled nice, almost appealing to him.

'_Just what am I doing?'_

He snapped back to reality and went back to cursing the damn shirt. Apparently Hijikata had heard the cursing and it wasn't too long before he heard a knock at the door.

"Hurry up already! Do you even know how to put on a dress shirt?" The last statement was slightly insulting but he chose to ignore it.

"Of course I do! The shirt's just not willing to cooperate!" There was a moment of silence before the door slowly slid open and Hijikata stepped in. It was strange seeing the other in _his_ clothes, but it had to do for now. The feeling was something indescribable, which the vice-commander shrugged off as annoyance, and possible worry for the state of his clothes by the end of the week. He didn't say a word and went over to Gintoki, who was still fiddling with the buttons of the dress shirt.

"Wha…" Hijikata ignored the sound of protest and just took the ends of the shirt in his hands and started to button it, keeping his eyes on his hands at all times. Now that he was looking, not that he was, he could see the man was really well-built, which was usually hidden by his black shirt. He could easily fool anyone by saying he trained every day.

Gintoki saw the man button his shirt and looked the other way, trying not to be uncomfortable at the man's proximity. He stared at the walls and Hijikata finished the buttons on his sleeves. He was glad when the man retreated and felt like he could breathe normally again. Hijikata took the black vest with the golden piping and handed it to him. After putting it on, he bent over and picked up his black belt and bokuto to secure it on his waist. Last was the ascot and after watching Gintoki fiddle with it for about twenty seconds, he snatched it back and wrapped it around the other's neck, ignoring the look of surprise on his face. The proximity of the vice-commander was unbearable now. After about half a minute, the scarf-thing was in place and the hands retreated again. There was an awkward silence that lasted only a few seconds that seemed like hours to both of them. Hijikata not really knowing why he had done that, Gintoki surprised by the same and at his own reaction, or more the lack of it. It had felt so natural to both of them that it was creepy. Gintoki checked his bokuto again and Hijikata followed his every movement with his eyes. No more words were said and he walked out of the room, not waiting for the other to follow him.

* * *

The walk around Edo was uneventful but beautiful nonetheless. The sky was clear and the sun was shining brightly in the clear sky. Everywhere you looked, you saw the old Japanese-styled buildings and people, as if the Amanto had never existed.

To Gintoki, it was plain boring.

The uniform was too warm, itchy and it restricted his movements. The ascot was annoying him and he pulled at it for the twentieth time that afternoon.

"Stop pulling at it already!" He felt like a kid getting scowled at and he glared right back at the owner of the uniform.

"It itches!" He whined some more and after Hijikata gave him a last disapproving look, he turned back to the road in front of him and kept walking, only to be followed by the freelancer. For once, he did his job right and Hijikata couldn't be more annoyed by it. He needed some time to think, even if it was just for a little while. His actions of this morning and then helping him into the rest of the uniform, that wasn't him. Maybe Kondo's goodness had finally gotten to him. Or maybe Sougou had put something in his tea when he wasn't looking.

Wait… could Tosshi be back?

He dismissed that thought. He had gotten rid of him permanently some time ago, but couldn't help sending a glance at his katana. He was racking his brain for all other possible excuses for his behaviour.

Gintoki was in a similar state of mind when the lack of sugar finally got to him.

"Oi," Hijikata looked up, "Is this walk going to last much longer? I'm low on sugar here." Hijikata ignored him and picked up the pace even more. The man would probably give up after a few minutes of unsuccessful whining.

Probably.

After walking, or in Gintoki's case whining, for a few more minutes, they arrived at their starting point where Okita was waiting. They had split up to patrol but Hijikata doubted he had been working, seeing as his eye mask was still resting on his forehead. He had probably slept on a bench somewhere, plotting another assassination or attack on him.

"Ah, Danna, Hijikata-san." He greeted them with an unenthusiastic wave and leaned against the parked police car.

"Nothing abnormal on this side." He received a nod in response from his superior and he stretched himself. "You've got Danna with you so you're covered, right?" He didn't wait for a response and stepped into his car. "I'll return to the barracks then!" He sped off, leaving Hijikata no time to even try to protest. The black haired man sighed and made a grab for his trusted nicotine, which involuntarily reminded Gintoki again of the smell of _his_ uniform, which he really didn't want to be reminded of.

The patrol went on and no more words were exchanged. Hijikata was preoccupied with his own thoughts and Gintoki wondered if he had bought this week's Jump already. It had come out Saturday but he was sure he hadn't bought it yet. They passed a convenience store and the latter got an idea considering both his most loved magazine and the grumpy guy he was supposed to look after. A glint appeared in his eyes, and before Hijikata knew it, he was being dragged in the direction of the convenience store.

"I need my Jump." Was his excuse and Hijikata just cursed in response. They passed through the automatic doors and Hijikata waited there, watching as the silver haired man went over to the counter. He scanned the little store and noticed there were no customers, except for three men standing near the counter and looking around too much for his liking. One of them had seen them coming in and he had a look of disgust on his face at the sight of their, correction, _his_ uniforms. The look didn't go unnoticed by Hijikata and he didn't let the three out of his sight.

'_Damn Sougo, he slept through patrol again.'_ He fingered his katana to give them a slight warning, _'They're probably from the Jouishishi.' _He examined them further and eyed their katanas. Even if they made no move, he could always arrest them for carrying katanas as civilians.

Gintoki seemed to notice nothing and turned to the female clerk. "Nee-san, do you have any Jump left?" The old woman recognised Gintoki and nodded with a smile, turning to fetch it but halted when a voice addressed her, accompanied by the click of a gun.

"You stay here," The leader of the three had pulled out a gun and Hijikata cursed himself for not reacting any sooner. "And you two," He looked at Hijikata and then at Gintoki, "Drop your katanas." He still pointed the gun at the frightened woman and the vice-commander looked annoyed, Gintoki on the other hand looked completely bored.

"Get a move on." He now pointed his gun at Gintoki seeing as he was the closest. He slightly jabbed him in his chest with it to indicate he would shoot if necessary and looked back at Hijikata. The man held up his hands halfway and slowly reached for his katana, taking it out of it's sheath and throwing it to the ground with an annoyed expression. Terrorist Two was securing the door and Terrorist Three was keeping an eye on him, so making a grab for his katana was out of the question. He looked back at the leader and saw that he was losing his patience; Gintoki was making no move to disarm himself.

"Oi, oi! Don't go swinging that around! You could hit someone." He stated in a deadpan voice, his right pinky finding its way to his nose and he stared at the man with dead fish eyes.

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Terrorist One was getting even more agitated and Hijikata tried to make the best of the situation. There were three of them, all armed with katanas and one with a gun.

Great.

'_You idiot! Read the situation!'_ Hijikata gritted his teeth and tried to come up with a plan. _'Either it's bravery or stupidity.'_ Gintoki wasn't a friend or a foe, and he didn't want him to get seriously injured. Even he wouldn't survive a bullet to the chest at such close range. He also didn't feel like getting killed by that monstrous kid, Sougo's eternal rival, who could do some serious damage. Terrorist One eyed Gintoki's bokuto once again.

"Well?" He pushed the gun a little further into his chest and Hijikata was going to kill Gintoki if the Joui member wasn't going to shoot him first.

"I'm just an innocent citizen getting his Jump." He ignored the gun and turned back to the counter, only to have it pointed at his head now.

"On the count of three."

Gintoki grinned. "Let me count then." Hijikata didn't know what he was planning but was getting the idea he would know soon enough.

The silver haired man unsheathed his bokuto quickly and sent the man flying into a vending machine. The gun went off but missed Gintoki's head by an inch.

"One."

Terrorist Two, who was guarding the doors, had already unsheathed his sword and tried to attack Gintoki, but he sent the terrorist flying in the direction of the magazine stands with a kick to the gut.

"Two."

As the third went for an attack, Hijikata saw his chance and made a grab for his katana. With a last swing of wood, Gintoki sent the third one flying into the automatic doors.

"Three."

Hijikata had gotten hold of his katana and snatched the gun back, not wanting any of the three to get their hands on it again. No one had gotten hurt, except for the terrorists themselves, but the damage to the shop wasn't minimum. At least two vending machines were destroyed, magazine stands knocked over and the door was miraculously spared, unlike the other landing spots. Gintoki sheathed his bokuto again and turned to the clerk with an indifferent face.

"Now, about my Jump…"

* * *

The job was going fairly well, Shinpachi had to admit that but couldn't help but flinch each time he heard another glass come in contact with the ground. Saitou-san didn't seem to mind but kept Kagura away from all breakable things just in case. Shinpachi wondered when they'd run out of glasses already.

"Ne, Kagura-chan, please be careful." Said girl looked back at her older colleague and lost focus. The plates she was holding just a second ago plummeted to the ground and miraculously she managed to save them.

Most of them, as in two of the ten

Shinpachi sighed once again and just started to collect all the pieces without another word. After some more minutes, the floor was clean and the pieces were in the trashcan.

It was around four in the afternoon so they had to work for another hour or so. Saitou-san didn't work them very hard so it was a fairly relaxed job, and there were practically no customers. Except for…the ones about to enter?

Shinpachi saw two men enter, one of them obviously younger than the other. He went to greet them but the older one of the two, he guessed he was in his late thirties, just shoved him away and walked over to Saitou. The old man didn't look annoyed by their presence but he had a look in his eyes that Shinpachi couldn't quite define. It was neither anger nor sadness, something in between. He led them to the back of his shop and followed suit.

"What jerks." Kagura's words weren't cold yet before the younger of the two stuck his head out of the door and asked, more like demanded, something to drink. Shinpachi ignored her grumbling and searched for some sake for the three men in the back.

"Should I spit in it?" Kagura was already looming over the bottle of sake, collecting saliva in her mouth. He quickly snatched the bottle away and told her to do no such things. He took three cups and the bottle, and went around the back. He arrived in a small room where the older man of the visitors was talking to Saitou. The old man didn't say much but as soon as Shinpachi had entered, all of them stopped talking and watched him put down the sake. As he left, they continued and Shinpachi could only catch a part of the conversation.

"It's here."

He closed the door behind him and sighed. _'What was that all about?'_

* * *

"Even more patrol?" Gintoki sighed but followed Hijikata nonetheless. "We caught those guys so can't we stop here already?" It was true the arrest had been successful but the patrol was nowhere near finished. Hijikata felt his pride had been hurt a bit because he hadn't been able to do anything, but regained his composure shortly after. There were no victims and the damage was at a minimum so the Shinsengumi finally got some positive publicity. They weren't ready for another 'Commander for a Day' stunt.

"Stupid stunt you pulled back there." This was probably the closest Hijikata could get to a compliment. "He could've shot you." He lit a cigarette and made it sound like an accusation but Gintoki traced some worry between those lines. He grinned childishly and turned to the smoking man.

"Is that worry I hear, Oogushi-kun?"

"Of course, the China girl would beat me to a pulp if I would've let you get seriously injured." He didn't rise to the bait and kept his cool, not missing a beat. The grin changed into a smile and he looked up at the clouds.

"It's the same, isn't it?" Gintoki looked back at the smoker, "Okita-kun'd probably worship the ground I walk on if I got you killed.." Hijikata smirked at that and exhaled some more smoke. "Yeah." He realized they had stopped walking and after a minute of watching the Yorozuya stare at the sky, he checked his watch. It was almost half past four.

"We're heading back." Hijikata turned and Gintoki followed wordlessly. He felt his sugar drop and he tried to remember the last time he had had something sweet.

'_I haven't had any sugar yet!'_

Last time he had checked, there wasn't anything sweet in the barracks, aside from the lumps of sugar, which he had already used up during lunch. Fat chance he could get Hijikata to return with him, he sighed and crossed his arms in front of his chest, thinking of all other possibilities. Yesterday, he had passed a new shop on his way to the barracks, so that meant… He looked in front of them and saw the barracks coming into view. He scanned the area and the shop caught his eye again. He noted with glee that it was now open and before Hijikata could protest, he grabbed him by the sleeve and dragged him over.

"I caught those guys, you buy me a parfait. Equivalent exchange!"

Hijikata just followed the other man with a sigh. He probably wouldn't see the end of this week.

* * *

Kagura had succeeded in not breaking anything during the past half hour and Shinpachi could only be grateful to whoever was up there. Still no customers and he doubted they would see any. The two men who had been talking to Saitou-san, not even for five minutes, stepped out of the back room and entered his shop again

They passed them without a second glance and Kagura stuck her tongue out at their backs, only to have Shinpachi try to cover it up, in case they'd look behind them. They just walked on and passed two other men, maybe customers, on their way out. The men were dressed in black, presumably uniforms. Very familiar uniforms, one of them even had a very familiar mop of hair, silvery white…

'_Gin-sannnnnnn?' _Shinpachi pulled the young Yato girl down with him and hid behind the counter with her.

"What's Gin-san doing here? In a Shinsengumi uniform no less!" He whispered, not wanting to draw unnecessary attention towards themselves.

"I told you they were having an affair!" She hushed back "They're on a date!"

"Seems that way." Shinpachi still couldn't believe it but all evidence pointed to that direction. They were having a civil conversation, not the kind where tables were sent flying, and they were here, together, probably to eat or drink something. It was perfectly normal for one to have a drink with another, but surely they weren't friends, far from it. They were constantly fighting, arguing over every little detail. Wasn't it Gin-san who once said love and hate weren't that far apart?

"What might you two be doing?" They both jumped and had to hold a hand in front of the other's mouth to not scream out in surprise at Saitou-san's sudden appearance. The man looked down at them with a look of confusion at their suspicious behavior.

"Come on, go ask those officers what they want to order." He waited for them to stand up before he went into the back of the shop again.

"They probably just wanted to keep it a secret." Shinpachi said, turning his back towards the shop and trying to act casually. Kagura just pulled out a fake mustache out and imitated an American accent. "We should disguise ourselves! Just like Kurosagi always does to uncover those scams."

"Kagura-chan, that isn't even 'Ladies Four' anymore…"

* * *

"Oi, pick already." Hijikata impatiently ticked with his right index finger on the table, gazing outside through the window. Gintoki was drooling over the menu and he was waiting for him to finally choose something. He had set a limit on how much he could spend, the bastard would always take advantage of situations like these. But at least this gave him some time to think, rather to rethink the events of this morning. He hadn't yelled at him, insulted him or even said something along the lines of 'only idiots don't know how to put on a dress shirt'. He had just waltzed in and helped the man clothe himself. He had never done anything like that before and like hell he was never doing it again.

He sighed and shifted his gaze to the shop itself. An old man, dressed in mostly green, went to the back of the shop and two of his employees were standing with their backs at them, seemingly discussing something.

'_How long are they going to take to come here and take our order?'_ He twitched at the growing pool of drool coming from the man sitting opposite of him and grumbled. The silver haired man looked up from the menu and watched as the vice-commander sat back in the couch, arms folded. His expression was giving enough hints that he didn't like waiting and hated the whole situation in general.

Gintoki put down the menu and, after clearing the table of drool, rested his elbow on the table, his chin supported by his hand, watching the vice-commander intensively.

"What will it be for the officers?" A strange old man with grey hair, which looked like flour by the way, and a black moustache had approached their table. His voice sounded scruffy, like he was trying to alter his voice and he looked a little nervous.

'_Have I met this guy before?'_ Both were slightly suspicious and their eyes narrowed simultaneously, glaring at their waiter, who was becoming more nervous with each passing second.

'_Nah, probably my imagination.'_

The waiter sighed in relief but quickly covered it up with a cough and took out a notepad.

"Water with sugar and a parfait."

The vice-commander lit up a cigarette and exhaled the comforting nicotine smoke.

"Mayo with coffee."

The waiter almost dropped his notepad at that and coughed a bit. "Sir, wouldn't you like coffee _with_ mayo?"

"No, the mayo is the most important part, I'll take the coffee as an extra." Hijikata said to the man, not understanding his reaction. Drinking coffee with mayo, how ridiculous could you get.

Gintoki sweat-dropped at their conversation and he could feel his lunch returning. Eating mayo with everything couldn't be healthy. Hijikata would probably get killed by an overdose of mayo one day.

They watched the man walk off and two minutes or so passed in silence before Hijikata spoke up again.

"This is a onetime-deal, you perm." He saw another waiter approaching their table, an even more suspicious one than the last. He didn't even know what the waiter was trying to be. He guessed a drag queen, only the black mustache didn't really fit into the picture.

"That was fast…" Hijikata said, holding his cigarette between his fingers.

The waiter dropped the drinks and the parfait on the table unceremoniously and saluted them with all pride. "We provide the fastest service-aru." And then waltzed away.

'_Did the waiter just finish his sentence with a Chinese accent? Something's really off here!' _

"Oi, stop spacing out Oogushi-kun. If you want her number, just ask her." Gintoki smirked at him and took a bite from his parfait.

"Who the hell would want her number!?" He yelled a little too loud. Coincidentally, a tray came flying and crashed in the wall just above Hijikata's head, only to stay stuck in it. He paled a bit and tried to get his heart beat at a normal pace again.

"You know, Oogushi-kun, it's impolite to offend a woman."

His eyebrow twitched. "Like you care about that you good-for-nothing!"

"Are you insulting my natural perm? You know I can't do anything about it! It's not nice to put down one's built!"

"I'm not even talking about your perm!"

By now they were nose to nose and glaring at each other. They heard a strange noise coming from the counter and saw the old waiter cover the other waiter's eyes.

They forgot about their argument and sweat-dropped.

'_What the hell's going on with those two?'_

* * *

"They did not recognize me, Sir!" Kagura saluted Shinpachi and grinned proudly.

"Good, Kagura-chan, but you'll still need to be careful."

"Who the hell would want her number!?" They heard, coming from the only occupied table, and Shinpachi saw a menacing aura surround the young Yato before she threw a tray, full speed, at Hijikata's head. The thing luckily missed but he could see Hijikata throw a surprised, and equally shocked expression in their direction.

Shinpachi sighed and watched as the two men talked, and came closer, till they were _very_ close…

"No, Kagura-chan! You mustn't look!" The Yato clanswoman hadn't seen it coming and shrieked a bit, making the two men forget about _whatever _they were about to do and look in their direction.

Kagura hit Shinpachi in the chin, watched him groaningon the floor and pressed her foot in his stomach.

"What the hell was that for, Four-Eyes?" She cracked her knuckles and glared down at him.

"No, Kagura-chan! I was only protecting your innocenc…" But the fatal blow he received knocked him out cold.

* * *

Gintoki finally finished his parfait and sighed contentedly, rubbing his stomach and licking his lips. Hijikata looked at him, feeling different somehow. The silver haired man still had that childlike innocence. It was hard to believe someone like him could be a more than worthy foe in battle, let alone engage in combat. Gintoki had many sides and Hijikata wondered if he'd discover more of these in the coming days.

"Bill!" The woman had returned again and Hijikata almost jumped out of his seat as she dumped the bill on the table with great fury, glaring at Hijikata out of the corner of her eye. He shakily reached for his wallet and took out the required money. She grabbed it out of his hands and looked at the amount.

"What, no tip?" She cracked her knuckles and Hijikata as well as Gintoki feared for their lives.

They did manage to escape, alive, but only Hijikata's wallet had been severely plundered. The corner of his mouth twitched as he watched a 5 yen coin fall out of his wallet, before it was completely empty. The whole way back to the barracks, Hijikata grumbled and cursed the damn waitress inwardly. Gintoki ignored most of it but couldn't help but wonder when they'd have dinner.

* * *

"Did much happen, Kondo-san?" Hijikata sat in his office, looking at his commander and going over his report a final time. Gintoki sat in the corner of the room, seemingly asleep.

Kondo threw the sleeping freelancer a last glance before turning to his second-in-command.

"Nothing really, Toshi, although a spaceship parked in the middle of the street this afternoon."

Hijikata hummed and wrote a last detail down on his report.

"No real trouble, the guy said he couldn't find a parking spot."

"Good then." He stretched himself and yawned. "I'm gonna go sleep now."

"Good night, Toshi." Kondo passed by Gintoki and bid him goodnightwalking past him, not expecting a reply, and jumped as the sleeping man answered.

"'Night, Gorilla."

'_He doesn't really let his guard down, now does he?' _Kondo thought, slightly creeped out, and exited the room.

"Oi, I thought you were sleeping."

"Not everything is what it seems~"

His eyebrow twitched at the overly happy reply and he went to his room, closely followed by his bodyguard. He entered, ignored the Yorozuya and walked over to one of the closets. Hijikata took his yukata out of itand started to unbutton his dress shirt.

"…"

"What do you want?"

"Well, Oogushi-kun, I still have my chastity, you know? Don't think you can get into Gin-san's pants just because we share a room!"

"…"

"Out!" He kicked the silver haired man out of the room and threw the pale blue yukata at him, telling him to change as well. Hijikata grumbled and took off his shirt before he started to unbuckle his belt.

The freelancer entered again, clothes in hand, dressed in his own sleepwear. He walked past Hijikata and put them away, feeling the man's eyes on his back. He stretched himself, feeling rather uncomfortable under the others gaze.

"Stop staring at…" Hijikata turned around and stopped mid-sentence once he saw what had caught Gintoki's attention. Their futons had been placed together like a married couple and he didn't need to question who had done this.

'Sougou!' He gritted his teeth and his eyebrow twitched. Nonetheless, the thought of sleepingso close to the other man made his face heat up, which he unsuccessfully tried to cover up with his bangs.

"My, my, you're warm." Gintoki placed his right hand on his forehead and smirked at him. Hijikata felt the cool hand against his burning skin and somehow, it felt comforting. He didn't know what to do for a second while those red eyes bore into his own, but after a second or two, he got it all under control again and slapped the hand away.

"Don't get too familiar!" He stomped off towards the futons and heard the silver haired man snicker behind him.

"Oh, you were blushing! I'll let you know that Gin-san has already conquered the hearts of many."

"Who the hell in his right mind would get conquered by you?!"

Hijikata bent over and dragged his futon further away from Gintoki's. When the distance between the two futons was big enough for his liking, he settled into his own, not waiting for the other. He closed his eyes and heard his bodyguard crawl into his own after giggling like a little kid for a last time. Hijikata just growled in response and turned his back towards the other, closing his eyes.

"Sleep tight, Oogushi-kun." The amusement was still clear in his voice.

"It's Hijikata to you, bastard."

Hijikata tossed and turned but still couldn't fall asleep. The Yorozuya wasn't making any noise, so it couldn't be that. He just felt… uncomfortable, for some reason. He hadn't had trouble falling asleep last night, but now he just couldn't, even though he felt really tired. He turned on his side and saw that Gintoki was already fast asleep. He watched the man's face exactly like he had done that morning, only now it was harder to see since it was dark.

'_Why do I feel so strange around him?'_ He crept out of his futon and sat next to the other one, still gazing at the sleeping form. He lifted his hand to push some of his curls out of his face but restrained himself just in time. He had blushed not so long ago, just because their futons had been placed together. But when Gintoki's hand had rested on his forehead, a rather harmless action, his face had become even redder. He was confident the other hadn't seen his reaction, but he was sure to find out why he had reacted like that.

'_What if I…'_

He brought his face closer so their noses were almost touching. He felt like he couldn't stop himself and his breath came out in short gasps. He leaned even closer and the man's breath tickled his lips.A part of him expected Gintoki to open his eyes and ask what the hell he was doing, but another part just wanted to keep going and not think about the possible consequences. Should he do it? Or could he even do it? It was still a mystery as to why he started to feel strange around the natural perm suddenly. He had finally found out what it was, but he was far from sure. It was always a possibility.

'_I need to be sure.'_

He tried to convince himself and before he could change his mind again, he leaned forward even more so his lips touched those of Gintoki. It only lasted a second and he retreated as quickly as possible once it was finished.

He settled back in his futon and he felt heat coming to his face.

'_Damn, this isn't good...'_

_

* * *

**Long, wasn't it? At least I thought so. We also had a little action scene in there, but I'm still not content with it. English is not my first language as you will have already guessed, so I do not have such a broad vocabulary as native English speaking people do. Oh well, I hope it was at least understandable. I've also tried the past weeks to update regulary, and I will try to keep it like that. I hope you enjoyed, and till the next update it is. Ah yes, before I go, I dropped a hint in this chapter about who exactly is gonna make an appearance in this fic, care to make an educated guess? **_


	4. Lesson 4

**Man, time really flies. This is the fourth chapter already! Ah, I feel so nostalgic today... I've probably been listening to Gintama's ED for too long. Anyway, I'm not going to ramble on for much longer, like usual, here is the new chapter! And before I forget, this was once again beta-ed by aoi_aka on LJ. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Lesson 4: Skipping your beauty sleep is like skipping breakfast**

Hijikata sighed and watched the stack of papers he still had to tackle this morning alone. A stack that only seemed to grow larger and larger the more he worked on it. Normally it wouldn't pose much of a problem, but last night had been rather… distracting to say the least.

He still couldn't believe he had even considered doing _that_, and the fact that he actually had done that was unacceptable. Committing seppuku wasn't even the least effective in this case. He couldn't say he had been really interested in someone before, save for Mitsuba, and he damn well still didn't know how to handle it. Last time something like this had happened, he had denied his feelings, he had pushed her away for what he believed was her own good and a part of him still regretted that decision.

But now it was different, this was the Yorozuya they were talking about. The lazy, dead fish-eyed freelancer who ate his own weight in sugar every day and managed to wreck havoc everywhere he passed. Maybe he found destruction appealing? If that was the case he would have long jumped Sougou . The man's extreme fondness of sugar could be the cause. He himself was set on drowning everything in mayonnaise…

He groaned loudly and let his head fall on his desk. The subject of his inner turmoil was still sleeping in the corner of the room and hadn't even twitched at the groan or the sound of the vice-commander's head coming in contact with the table – hard. Hijikata thought maybe a little too hard as he felt warm blood drip down his forehead and temples. He searched for his cigarettes and closed his eyes to inhale the smoke, savouring the taste of tobacco. The familiar feeling of the nicotine calmed him down and he started on his paperwork again, worried his thoughts might drift off again to certain _things_.

'_First, yesterday's report.'_ An arrest, even the smallest one, was always accompanied by twice the paperwork. A form for the report, an exact retelling of all things that had occurred with date, names of all those involved and on what ground they had arrested the criminal or criminals. He doubted anyone would ever check the reports, but he had made it his own duty to fill it all in correctly. If he left it to his commander, he'd have to wait for the next millennium to pass before he'd even remember there _were _any to start with. He started back on it and slowly filled in the report. If at least he wouldn't get disturbed every second, the stack of papers wouldn't continuously _grow_. The stack was reduced by a single sheet of paper but it still loomed over him, threatening to fall down every second and bury him alive till someone would notice his disappearance and found him, choked to death. Sougou would celebrate the day and dance on his grave…

"Toshi!" The door flew open.

'_How am I ever going to get anything done here?!'_ He gritted his teeth and massaged the bridge of his nose when his commander jumped inside the room, obviously agitated.

"What is it, Kondo-san?"

"Ah, y-you're bleeding Toshi."

"I already know that, get to the point."

"Ah well, Matsudaira's coming."

"The old man? Why?"

"Surprise visit, checking up on things." Sougou entered, no bazooka in hand, or at least no currently visible one, "You should find a closet for Danna to hide in, you don't want to get caught cheating."

Hijikata's eyebrow twitched and he couldn't help but crumple the paper in his hand at the comment. He wisely chose not to retort and tried to cover up his true reaction – slight surprise and the feeling he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar – with anger. The last one that needed to know about his slight dilemma was Sougou– Kondo wouldn't notice anyway- but the remark made him almost think Sougou _was_ aware of his dilemma and that scared him even more. He looked at his subordinate, trying to figure out if he knew anything relevant, but Sougou's expression was as unreadable as usual. The sadist turned around again and left the room, Kondo following him but not before giving Hijikata a handkerchief to wipe away the blood and sending him a last worried glance over his shoulder to go back to whatever he had been doing up till now.

The door slid shut again and Hijikata sighed. He took one last drag from his cigarette and put it out in the black ashtray on his desk. The ashtray had been a gift from Kondo and Sougou a few years back for his birthday. Seeing as it had been the sadist's idea in the first place, he had been expecting it to explode, but after it had sat on his desk harmlessly for a couple of days, he had doubted there would be any explosives in there, so he had used it for the first time. Which later proved to be a very bad decision - Sougou had just learned how to put a bomb in there – and the thing had exploded in his face. The ashtray had been spared but his desk hadn't been.

The ashtray was still standing there, on the far right corner of his desk, but he doubted it'd give an explosive encore. At least he _hoped_ so.

He stood up and strolled over to the sleeping form in the far right corner, involuntarily making no noise to not wake up the sleeping man. _'How to wake him?'_ Hijikata was surprised he was actually considering how to wake him up. Normally, one would shake him by his shoulder, maybe say something or just slightly poke him.

A kick to the side would serve just as well.

Hijikata aimed and almost smiled like an imp once his foot made contact with the man's side. Not even a second later, Gintoki's eyes flew open.

"What the hell! Gin-san was just sleeping innocently over here!"

"That's the point; you were sleeping."

"Everybody needs his beauty sleep! Try doing it too once in a while, it'd get that frown off of your face."

"Get up."

Gintoki yawned – still looking rather irritated – and stretched a bit, "Why?"

"Matsudaira's coming, do something useful or hide in a closet." Hijikata said, not letting his anger show. He sat back down and lit another cigarette, preparing to continue his paperwork. He heard something being slid open and looked up, seeing Gintoki's rear end stick out of a closet while he was still climbing in it.

"I was kidding, you idiot!"

Gintoki's head poked out of the closet again with a deadpan look.

"I see. I had no idea Oogushi-kun was capable of joking."

Hijikata massaged his temples and sighed. "Just come sit here and pretend you're helping me with paperwork." Gintoki climbed out of the closet, all the while cursing how tiny it was in fact, and sat down next to Hijikata.

"And it's Hijikata, by the way." He didn't really sound angry, only slightly pissed to the point where he'd kill Yamazaki a second time in three days, and gave Gintoki some paperwork to stare at for the next few moments.

Not even a minute had passed before the door was opened again and a man stepped in. He was dressed in a purple kimono, a long Shinsengumi coat casually covering it and the traditional ascot around his neck as well. He didn't bother taking off his green sunglasses and the smell of expensive tobacco lingered around him.

Matsudaira put out the cigarette that had been dangling between his lips and looked at the vice-commander sitting at his desk. "Ne, Toshi, long time since this old man came checking up on things again." He spoke rather strange, putting emphasis on the end of his sentence.

Hijikata just looked up and nodded in Matsudaira's direction, not really knowing what to say. He could only hope the old man wouldn't stay for too long. His usual visits were rather short, but there had been times when he had stayed a couple of hours.

"I don't have much time," the sigh of relief that came from Hijikata went unnoticed by him, "So I'll leave it to Sa-chan to explain things."

"Thank you, Matsudaira-san." The female ninja came from behind Matsudaira and stepped into the room - thank God she had her glasses on – and the chief of police said goodbye before waving over his shoulder and leaving the room. Hijikata watched him go again and looked to his left, where Gintoki's head was lying on his desk, sleeping, drooling on his paperwork.

The fact that Matsudaira hadn't inquired after the civilian was probably because he hadn't seen him. Gintoki had been unintentionally hiding, or rather sleeping, behind the stacks of paper. He whacked him on the head, earned himself another shout and insult and focused on the female assassin the old man often hired. He had heard she had been an Oniwaban member, but sometimes, he seriously doubted how she could've ever qualified for the job. Then again, the Shinsengumi consisted mainly of a gorilla, a sadist, a badminton player and other strange characters, so maybe it was just him.

"Well, as Matsudaira-san already informed you, I…" She stopped talking and Hijikata quirked up an eyebrow in confusion. Gintoki rubbed his head where the vice-commander had so graciously smacked him to wake him up and sat upright again. He seemed confused at the silence and looked for the first time at the person who had entered the room. His expression changed first to shock, then to a mix of annoyance and disgust.

"…"

"Gin-san!!!!"

The female ninja leapt towards the silver haired man, aiming to hug him till death do them part. He used a well-aimed kick and sent her flying towards the door. She flew through the closed door and Yamazaki's ghost, who just happened to be passing the vice-commander's office, just missed getting hit by the airborne ninja. He had a horrified look on his face and looked from the crumpled masochist on the floor back into the office through the hole in the door.

Hijikata intertwined his fingers and leaned his forehead against his hands, trying to keep his cool in all madness and badminton players.

"What was that?"

"Masochism to the highest degree."

Hijikata just hummed in acknowledgement and lifted his head to look at the hole in his door, just in time to see a certain useless member slip away before anyone would notice.

"Yamazaki! Just because you're dead doesn't mean you can slack off! Repair that door!"

A small voice replied. "…Yes, vice-commander-san…"

* * *

Shinpachi slowly ascended the stairs to the Yorozuya office, holding a bag of groceries in his right hand. Saitou-san had informed them he had found permanent employees and that he no longer required their services. They had been paid well and Shinpachi had used the opportunity to pay the rent and buy some decent food for him and his fellow freelancers. His steps sounded loud on the wooden stairs. The last step creaking slightly under his weight. He switched the plastic bag over to his left and used his now free right hand to reach for the door to slide it open.

He carefully slid the door away and stepped inside, setting down his bag to remove his sandals. He had bought the most necessary things like rice, bread, sukonbu and strawberry milk - seeing as it consisted about eighty percent of the consumed food – and had wisely deposited the rest of the money in the bank, before a sukonbu-hungry girl and a pachinko-playing good-for-nothing could get their hands on it.

He scuffled inside and closed the door behind him. The television was playing – there was another drama marathon, again – and Kagura was watching with all interest. Shinpachi feared another chapter of strange jokes and obscure references. She hadn't noticed his presence yet and he'd like to keep it that way. He didn't want her to immediately gulp down all their food reserves for the next few days.

He carefully set one foot into the office when in no less than two seconds the young Yato-girl stood in front of him, pleading for food - she'd probably smash his head open if he didn't give any – so Shinpachi just sighed and held out the bag for the young girl to take, "Here ya go."

A few seconds later, she was already back in front of the television chewing sukonbu while Daichi-san finally found out that Saharu-kun was his illegitimate child.

"_How could you!"_

Shinpachi ignored the television and focused on the miraculously spared groceries. He walked over to the kitchen and started to put away all purchased items with a sigh.

"_I always meant to tell you, but your mother…"_

Strawberry milk went into the fridge and he looked at the now empty Tupperware box that used to hold last night's leftovers.

"_You could've told me back then!"_

Shinpachi took the Tupperware box out of the fridge and set it on the table, ignoring the latest developments in 'Ladies Four', while he continued to be a dutiful house-mother. The doorbell rang and Kagura commanded him to get it.

It couldn't be a client, one client every two months was a record in itself.

"We don't need the newspaper, we…"

He opened the door, going on with his usual rant but stopped once he saw the rather oddly-dressed paperboy. Normally, they didn't wear sunglasses.

"Ah, Shinji-kun! You do live here! I already said to the woman downstairs I was looking for Kintoki and she told me he lived here." The man laughed merrily and continued, "Even though it says 'Yorozuya Gin-chan', is it an alias?" Sakamoto Tatsuma laughed again.

Shinpachi blinked a few times. "Another idiot has appeared."

"Ah, that hurts, Shinji-kun. Can I cry now?"

The man threw off his geta sandals in a nonchalant way and waltzed inside with his usual idiotic grin plastered on his face.

"It's quiet around here, where's Kintoki?" He didn't even bother to wait for an answer and sat down on one of the couches, looking as if he was half-expecting 'Kintoki' to jump from behind one of the couches.

"Gin-san's working right now, Sakamoto-san." Shinpachi let it slip and sat on the other couch, wondering if he should give the man some tea, "He'll be probably be back by the end of the week."

"Ah, that's a pity, Shinji-kun,"

"It's Shinpachi."

"I was hoping to see him again. You know, it's been quite a while since my last appearance and all."

"Sakamoto-san, could you please not break the fourth wall?"

"I ranked 12th in the latest polls and I still couldn't appear in the manga, really…."

"You haven't even been in this fic to begin with!"

"And here I was, coming to visit and I couldn't even find a decent parking spot! I parked by the road but it seems my vehicle took too much space, so Mutsu left. Ma, I don't really know how to get back now!"

The man laughed again and shifted a bit uncomfortably on the couch.

"Really, coming back to Earth has become such a pain lately." He scratched his head and laughed, "Security's been tight with all those rumours of drug-traffic around. But it was worth the trip."

He jumped up from the couch and headed for the door, "I'll get to see Oryou-chan again!" The man hopped to the door and jumped in his geta sandals again. "Tell Kintoki I was here, we can get something to drink when he's done working." He headed out the door and yelled his goodbye to 'Shinji-kun' from outside before they heard the clacking sound of his sandals on the wooden stairs.

"Oi," Kagura looked up from the television, eyes bloodshot from watching the whole 'Ladies Four' marathon, "Wasn't that Idiot just now, Shinji-kun?"

Shinpachi's face contorted in anger, "This person really pisses me off."

* * *

Okita took the report in both hands and looked down at the unconscious M lying by the broken door. He entered the office to find the vice-commander holding his bodyguard by his collar and almost strangling him for wrecking his office.

Okita coughed slightly and gained their attention, "Please keep those things in your bedroom, Hijikata-san."

Hijikata almost exploded.

"We have work to do."

He swiftly flipped through the report and handed some papers to his target-superior who started to read.

"The Shogun has caught wind of the drug-traffic rumours," Gintoki shifted his attention from the reading smoker to the talking sadist, "It's probably nothing like last time but he wants us to check on it anyway." Okita sounded rather bored at the idea of having to track down drug-smuggling pirates, obvious from the monotone voice he used to make his report. Hijikata hummed every now and then to indicate he was still listening while his eyes scanned every single paper he had been given.

Okita heard a groan and turned around to look at the source of the noise. Hijikata abandoned his reading to do the same. Gintoki ignored them all and started digging for treasure. Groaning, the female ninja rose from her sprawled position on the ground and pushed her now cracked glasses further up the bridge of her nose. "So that's how it is," She chuckled darkly and Yamazaki's ghost stepped back a bit. "That's the kind of play you like!" She spun around and pointed in their general direction, where she could only distinguish three blobs. "Do not forget I will do anything to obtain your love, even go to the end of the universe!" She threw off her clothes and reappeared in a mini-mini-skirt police uniform, throwing away her now useless glasses.

"As I was saying…" Okita continued without missing a beat and all but ignored the shinobi in the middle of the room.

"That's what you were planning all along, wasn't it?" She fell dramatically to her knees, making Yamazaki's ghost back off permanently, "The young, inexperienced newbie coming to the office, immediately falling for the harsh, older commander-"

"Who are you calling old?!"

"-while he continues to ignore her, and she continues to keep her desire for him secret, burrowing it deeply into her very heart and soul! Don't go easy on me!"

"I'm not going to do anything to you!"

"I can take it!" She pulled out the handcuffs that apparently came with the whole costume and flew in his direction, or so the direction she thought he was in without her glasses.

"Now, take these handcuffs and-!" She flew right through the wall – courtesy of her missing glasses, into the garden of the Shinsengumi barracks. Hijikata looked slightly annoyed at the new hole in his office and sent Yamazaki a look that said 'Fix it or die again.' So the poor ghost spy just nodded – a shadow of despair on his face – and continued to fix the door.

"As I was saying, Hijikata-san, these are only rumours but we'll have to conduct a formal investigation on this matter." He took the paper from the black-haired man again, who had finished reading them, and put them back into the report. "I've already discussed this with Kondo-san, and he says that, considering your condition," His eyes flew to Gintoki and then back to Hijikata, "That it would be best if you were not to get involved in this matter."

Hijikata wanted to protest but Sougo continued without paying him attention, "How much I'll miss you on the front lines, Hijikata-san,"

"You just want to see me get killed!"

"Kondo-san has already made his decision. If we were to take action, you'll take over all patrols."

"Ah, even more patrols? Gin-san's poor feet can't take all that walking."

Hijikata almost growled. "That's not the issue here."

"I'll leave you two alone for now," The young man stood up and left the office with a wave, before turning back and handing a folded paper over to his superior. He left again, now permanently.

Hijikata looked questionably at the paper in his hands and saw from the corners of his eye that Gintoki was leaning against the wall behind his desk and was starting to doze off, some drool slowly making its way down. His eyebrow twitched in anger - he'd better not drool on the tatami mats – and he unfolded the paper.

"_Always do it safe, Hijikata-san!_" Was scribbled down in Sougo's messy handwriting and Hijikata's mouth fell open in shock. Did he know? He couldn't! Even he himself had only discovered last night – he really didn't want to think about last night – that he felt…differently towards the Yorozuya.

'_No, no, no, no…'_ He shook his head feverishly, _'Not possible, he's just messing with me, he always does these kind of things, doesn't he? There's no reason to think he found out.'_ He broke out in a cold sweat and tried to stop his mental train of thought. _'Just a joke, a joke… There's probably a bomb attached somewhere…'_

He stopped right there.

That actually sounded like Sougo, super sadist extraordinaire.

There was no way he could hide one in a simple piece of paper, not possible. Hijikata turned back to the writing, but couldn't help but turn it around once before he continued to read.

'_Instructions:_' He didn't even finish reading the next words and ripped the paper into a thousand pieces, using all the fury he could muster. He breathed heavily from his outburst and searched for a way to calm himself.

Hijikata dug around in his pockets for cigarettes and his lighter. He lit a cigarette up and inhaled the nicotine smoke to calm himself. He collected all the pieces of the demolished paper and wanted to make a fire with it, but threw it in the trashcan after thinking it over once; there still was the possibility Sougou had foreseen his outburst and had drenched the paper in some flammable liquid before scribbling down on it.

It had to be a joke, there was just no way. He felt his blood pressure rise again and he deeply inhaled the smoke. He hadn't dropped any hints, not that he had known of anyway. He had made sure no one was around when he had_ tested_ some things and he hadn't acted abnormal or strange in any way. Sougo was probably a psychic or something like that, the man could do mental attacks, so reading one's mind was probably a piece of cake for him.

He'd have to remember to watch his thoughts around the young man.

The cigarette was nearing its end and Hijikata put it out in the black ashtray on his desk with slight dismay. He kept private matters away from his work, but it could no longer be considered private once it began affecting his work. He needed to get this sorted out. He'd just have to ignore his feelings till Friday, and once the Yorozuya was no longer at his side 24/7, it'd be easier to ignore the whole thing. It'd probably go away after a while.

He lit another cigarette, _'Let's go with that.'_

He started working again and kept himself busy so his mind wouldn't drift off anymore. He caught up on some reports – most of them Joui-related – and looked up once he heard snoring coming from his left. The man had fallen asleep – just how much could one sleep? – and was sitting pretty close to him, another fact Hijikata wanted to ignore. His head was resting on his shoulder and he didn't really look very stable in that position, he was also starting to drool on his lent uniform – he'd have to commit seppuku for that. Hijikata just shrugged – waking up the man, would only result in more shouting and insults – and turned back to his work with a sigh.

He grabbed the first paper that caught his eye and he started reading. Some more complaint letters about Sougo's last endeavour and the immediate demand to repay all damages done. He signed it and lay it on the small stack of 'done' papers, grabbing another paper from the sky-high 'to do' papers.

"Wrong parked vehiiii…" He stopped mid-sentence once he felt the familiar perm head fall on his left shoulder. The man groaned and dozed off again while Hijikata tried to figure out how to react. If he were to throw him off with all violence, he'd surely draw attention to themselves and Sougou would have some more proof of his recent infatuation. He felt the man nuzzle against his shoulder and he started snoring again, much to Hijikata's annoyance.

Hijikata took a deep breath. _'Best solution is to get him off without waking him up.' _He found the proximity a bit uncomfortable. _'But how?' _From last night's _experiences_, he had learned the man wasn't a very light sleeper so there shouldn't be much of a problem. Hijikata was going to yank him away by his hair so he moved his shoulder, causing the mop of silver hair to fall into his lap.

'_No waaaaaay!'_ Hijikata's mouth fell open in shock again as he watched the man make himself comfortable on his lap, and he almost screamed it out once the other threw his arms around his waist, obviously mistaking him for a pillow. He nuzzled closer and Hijikata felt the heat rising to his face.

'_Too close! Too close!' _He had a damn strong grip for a sleeping person and it didn't matter how much Hijikata tried to force his arms open so he could breathe again, his grip on his waist didn't lessen. Helping him clothe was one thing, being mistaken for a pillow was another. He didn't even dare to breathe but quickly reverted to doing so since he started to feel light-headed.

'_Damn, not good.'_ After another few failed attempts at getting him to move, Hijikata gave up and sighed. _'Annoying perm-head.' _ He crossed his arms in front of his chest. It was somehow comforting, to have the man sleep next to him, or rather _on_ him for the moment. If things like these kept occurring, he wasn't going to be able to hide it very well. _'M-maybe I should tell him.'_ He shook his head and quickly dismissed that thought. It would only cause awkwardness and discomfort for the both of them, he was better off not knowing.

'_He might be better off, but I'm the one who gets all the trouble here.' _He sighed.

Hijikata watched the man sleep and his ridiculous hair caught his eye. He reached with his right hand for the mop of hair but quickly pulled back as the man on his lap groaned. Hijikata's heart skipped a beat and one moment, it seemed the man would wake up. He didn't and just continued to sleep, tightening his grip on his 'pillow'. Hijikata sighed in relief and slowly let his right hand come in contact with the odd coloured hair.

It felt… soft? He didn't really know, it was just too weird. The curls tickled his hand but he did not remove it, finding the feeling comforting. If hegot caught like this, his reputation as the demon vice-commander would be changed to a gay, cuddly teddy bear. He could almost imagine Sougo addressing him as 'cuddly teddy bear' in the middle of the street.

Hijikata's head shot up once he heard a crackling noise, like the sound of a two-way radio. He looked at his desk and noticed a walkie-talkie – since when had it been there? – and a very familiar voice started to speak from the device.

"Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san," Hijikata froze on the spot, "Once you're done groping Danna, please get back to work."

'_W-w-whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!' _Hijikata's head shot from right to left, trying to see from where the sadist was spying on him. He didn't find anything, so it once again confirmed his theory that Sougou was psychic, and a dangerous, sadistic psychic on top of that.

"Or I'll be forced to let the bomb I set in your office go off, Hijikata-san. We wouldn't want that now, would we?"

Hijikata' s face contorted in horror and a shadow of despair hung over his face. _'Like hell you want it! And when did he freaking hide a bomb here?!' _

"10…" Sougou started the countdown to explosion and Hijikata was just nailed on the spot, mentally listing all possible bombs.

"9…"

'_The ashtray!' _Hijikata's head flew in the direction of the ashtray and he tried to make a grab for it, but the man around his waist restricted his movements.

"8…"

'_Must. Get. Ashtray.'_ Hijikata strained his arm and he could almost grab the ashtray, but he felt it slip through his fingers again.

"7…"

He reached one last time and finally got hold of it, _'Got it! And there's enough time to dispose of it.'_ He aimed at the hole in his office wall – he wasn't very keen on making another one – and heard Sougo speak up again.

"6... Just kidding, 0."

The office exploded with a loud bang, sending its occupants flying into the garden of the Shinsengumi barracks where they usually held their training sessions.

Hijikata soared though the air and landed not too far from the still unconscious shinobi, who apparently hadn't moved from her spot ever since her flight through the wall of his office. He landed with his back on the ground and sat up with a groan, sitting up to see an equally blown-up Gintoki, who got a very rude awakening, sitting a few meters away from him. His hair had become more of an afro than a perm and Hijikata looked like he had just stuck a fork in a power plug.

The dust flew around and out of the smoke and rubble stepped a familiar figure.

"Not bad, Hijikata-san, that's the sixty-third office you blew up this year alone."

He pointed accusingly in Sougo's direction. "Just who's the one blowing things up here?!"

* * *

**I'm probably over-doing Okita's sadism a little, but he's so much fun to write~ And then there's Sakamoto, he's the person I hinted towards in the previous chapter when Kondo said someone had parked their space ship in the middle of the street. That can only be our dear friend here who doesn't get enough screentime... He really is one of my favourite characters, so he will be playing a larger role in this fic. Expect more Sakamoto-laughs in the future. And hell this was a long chapter, it was a bitch to edit... **


	5. Lesson 5

**I have noticed I have already received 25 reviews for this, which is great. With this, I want to thank everyone who has read and/or reviewed so far, you guys are the best. Behold another chapter that is a bit earlier than expected. I don't think there are any complaints, so let me continue to ramble a bit. This is, once again, a chapter of about 6,000 words, and once again, beta-ed by aoi_aka on LJ. Warnings for this chapter include bombings, Tama saying censored things, Sougo-ness and strangely enough, no Yamazaki torture this time around... Oh shame on me...**

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* * *

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**Lesson 5: A chapter without a name is as lousy as a chain-smoker without cigarettes**

"But really, Toshi, that's the 55th office you blew up this year alone!"

"Sixty-third." Okita corrected him.

Kondo looked from the sleeping Okita – eye-mask in place – in the corner to the vice-commander in front of him. Whilst Gintoki followed Okita's example and rested his eyes, blocking out any unwanted noises, mainly the grumbles of Mayora, the snores of Sadist and the lecture from Gorilla.

Hijikata shifted a bit, obviously searching his pockets for nicotine and defended himself by putting the blame on his younger subordinate. Gintoki opened his eyes after realizing getting a nap would be impossible under these conditions; as soon as he was back at the Yorozuya, he'd ignore Shinpachi's complaining and sleep for hours on end. He mindlessly looked from Death-By-Nicotine-Poisoning back to the commander, pinky up his nose for lack of something better to do.

"It was Sougo." Hijikata defended himself.

"The bazooka went off by itself." Okita said, not so asleep after all.

"Like hell it did! It was aimed at me!"

"But that's dangerous, Sougo! If your bazooka goes off by itself…"

"Oi, is this person deaf? He must be! He doesn't hear me!"

"You could injure yourself! I'll go buy you a new one. Stat!"

Hijikata didn't reply so he continued to watch as Kondo jumped up to grab his katana, and then walked towards the door, getting his wallet out of his pocket to check if he still had enough money left.

Hijikata – who still looked like he had stuck a fork in a plug – stood up with a sigh and Gintoki – who still had an afro – reluctantly followed him in his march back to his office. The black-haired man cursed under his breath as he found out that the last of his pack of cigarettes had been reduced to exploded dark matter, and threw it into a trashcan he passed. They also encountered the exact place where Yamazaki had been found dead a few days ago, and was now decorated with a picture of him – although a very small one – a few candles, and a leftover can of sake that had been misplaced.

Hijikata slid the door to his office open. It had been fully restored by Yamazaki, he was even more useful dead than alive, but the rest of his office was still destroyed. It was more like working outside rather than inside, seeing as only one wall had been left standing after Sougo's attack and it was the one that had the door in it.

He sat back behind his desk – miracle it was still standing – and looked at the stack of papers waiting for him, even if most of his papers had been blown up just now, it had been strangely replaced by what seemed an even larger stack, or was it just his imagination? He picked up the first paper. 'Office destroyed by stray bomb' didn't sound that good so he went with 'Blown up by Jouishishi'. He moved on and started to tap his right index finger on the desk, making more noise with each passing second, which Gintoki – who had pulled out a Jump from nowhere and was reading it while lying on the ground – made him stop by throwing that particular magazine straight in his face.

"You're being too loud!"

Hijikata threw the magazine back and narrowly missed the other's face – much to his dismay – and yelled back.

"You're the one freeloading here! Deal with it!"

"I was asked for this job, Oogushi-kun, show some respect to your employees."

"I didn't even ask you here, you permed asshole!"

"Ah, that hurts you know…"

"Get over it."

"So harsh, Oogushi-kun, I always thought you left the S-stuff to Okita-kun. I'll let you know I'm more of an M than an S, but still… We're only on our second date..."

Hijikata snapped,

He jumped from behind his desk and grabbed the man by his colar,

"What nonsense are you saying?!"

"Ma, Oogushi-kun, take it easy. There are people here, you know… I didn't know you were into that… Of course Gin-san can adapt, but you have to give it some time…"

A shadow covered Hijikata's eyes and he clenched his wanted to hit that smirk off the asshole's face, but he saw a subordinate standing in the doorway, and judging from the look on his face, he had only heard the last parts of the conversation. He inwardly groaned. His reputation as demon vice-commander had already taken a hit after his bark some time ago, and now they'd be gossiping that he and the Yorozuya were going out, and doing _other_ things. The last thing he needed was a rumor like that. He was already trying his best to ignore certain things – he refused to remember them – that had happened over the past twodays.

"What do ya want?!" He yelled at the subordinate, who was going from shock to horror to downright fright.

"T-the com-commander has asked me to inform you that we still need training this morning. The commander himself shouted this as he left the barracks in a hurry earlier this morning."

He let go of Gintoki's collar, coming to realize how _very_ close his face was to his, and regained his composure in front of one of his men.

"Alright, tell all men to assemble in the garden, training will start in ten minutes."

The man saluted Hijikata and left, giving Gintoki a last glance before closing the door.

"Happy?" Hijikata turned to the silver haired man with a twitching eyebrow.

"Why yes, I had no idea you could be considerate towards me."

Hijikata didn't even waste time to kick him in the face and took his coat before going out the door – he refused to go through the non-existent wall that would have faced the garden, it was a matter of principle – and put it on while walking down the corridors of their barracks. Gintoki followed him as usual and yawned for what seemed like the 50th time in two chapters alone, what was this? Filling up pages with unnecessary details?

Hijikata ignored the author's laziness and made a mental list of all the things that needed to be done today. First they had training – that'd take a while – then of course he had to patrol in the afternoon, giving him a chance to buy his trusted cigarettes – since Yamazaki was looking into this drug-business, he didn't have any particular useless members he could send out to get him some. The Yorozuya already had received a job from Kondo and wouldn't even think about getting him his nicotine, even if he were to be paid for it. He checked his watch; almost 11 A.M. They could train till midday, and after lunch he could go out and buy cigarettes, only an hour and a half left if he ate really fast and then sprinted towards the nearest cigarette vending machine in town.

He sighed and tried to not think about it, ignoring the twitch in his hand that was the result from withdrawal and put on his shoes before going outside. Hijikata opened the door and saw that all divisions had already assembled, a rare sight indeed. Even the first division was there which was even stranger. Hijikata usually needed to drag their captain with him; Sougo had never come willingly to these sorts of things, unless he needed a nap.

He was up to something.

And if Sougo was up to something, that meant either destruction, death or both.

Hijikata quickly scanned the area for bombs, suspicious looking objects, hidden ambushes, booby traps, and other injury-inflicting things. He found none but still remained a little nervous, feeling that something was coming up. The men were chatting among themselves and Hijikata was about to bark out orders when Sougo spoke up.

"Ah, Hijikata-san," The conversations stopped and all heads turned to Hijikata and Gintoki who was standing next to him, "I heard you and Danna are having an affair." He shouted so everyone could hear.

There was a long silence and not one of his men dared to breathe, much less say anything. Hijikata's mouth fell open as he saw the last remains of his image break down and then burn down by the explosion known as Sougo. At least one minute passed in silence as Hijikata finally regained his voice to yell at his subordinate.

"What nonsense are you going on about?!"

Sougo looked genuinely surprised. "But Hijikata-san, denying it won't help, you know."

Gintoki swung his arm around Hijikata's shoulders and looked him in the eye. "He's right you know. Your denial is really hurting Gin-san, how can you be so cruel after all we've been through..."

"Don't you play along with him!" He unsheathed his katana faster than light and started swinging at Gintoki, who dodged all strikes fluently whilst there was still a dead silence among the Shinsengumi members.

"Alright." Hijikata stopped his swings and held his katana out in front of him.

Gintoki looked at him and sighed. "Just how old are you? Sword fighting isn't of this age anymore, you should try talking once, it really he"

But before he could finish his sentence, Hijikata struck forward and slashed at his right. Gintoki could deflect the blow just in time with his bokuto and also took a stance.

"If you're that serious…"

"Damn right I am!"

"I still say we should get you into an anger management class, you know."

"Shut up already!" Hijikata attacked again and they kept going at each other for a while. Sougo watched in amusement as Gintoki continued to block Hijikata's attacks while not even bothering to attack, making Hijikata lose his temper even more than he had already done so.

Gintoki continued to step back and avoid Hijikata's attacks with ease. The Shinsengumi members decided to stay at a safe distance and watched the battle, murmuring amongst themselves that the vice-commander would surely be a lousy boyfriend. He had just attacked the man he was dating.

The vice-commander seemed rather sure of himself and Gintoki immediately realized why. He took another step back and felt his back bump into a tree. He looked back one second and then back at Hijikata, ready to see him coming in, ready to pin him to the tree.

Gintoki stood calmly as he saw the man close in on him, but could still see slight hesitation in the Hijikata's eyes when he still didn't move, but ultimately, he continued on.

Hijikata struck forward and felt his katana come in contact with something, and feared one second that he had actually hit the Yorozuya in the chest. He seemed almost frightened to look at the end of his blade, but he looked and found no one there. He finally realized his would-be boyfriend had slid down to avoid the attack, but by the time he had, he was too late to dodge the incoming kick aimed straight at his jaw. Gintoki sprung to his feet again and watched as the other staggered back, waiting for Hijikata to recover.

Hijikata rubbed his sore chin and rubbed his hand over his mouth to check for blood. Seeing none, he took a fighting stance again. He slashed to the right, Gintoki spinning out of harm's way and countering the next incoming attack with his bokuto. Hijikata tried to overpower him but to no avail, so he spun around and struck down, metal meeting wood again. Hijikata put all his weight on his weapon but the other didn't seem to have difficulty holding him off. Like hell he was going to lose with all his subordinates here, it'd give Sougo even more reason to gloat. He glared at the man who smirked at the rather pissed off vice-commander.

"You really piss me off." Hijikata growled, backing off and attacking again. They went at it a few more minutes, Hijikata attacking, Gintoki dodging. Insults thrown at each other, and occasionally Gintoki would attack as well. The men watched but continued to stay away; losing an arm wasn't worth it. Hijikata slashed at Gintoki's right, only to have his feet kicked out from under him by the Yorozuya who had skillfully dodged his slash earlier. Hijikata sprung up again and let his rage take over, bringing down his katana with all his might and trying to push off the other man. They continued to glare at each other. Hijikata was about to push Gintoki away and attack again when a cry announced the arrival of their very much respected commander.

"Toshi!" Kondo ran up to the field, looking from Gintoki to Hijikata, glancing at his unsheathed katana. Hijikata lowered his – Gintoki doing the same with his bokuto – and looked in the direction of Kondo, who was carrying a bazooka with a blue ribbon around it. He gave the bazooka to Sougo, who gladly took it from him and tested it on a nearby tree, while Kondo walked over to Hijikata.

"Don't go doing dangerous things, Toshi!" Kondo started to lecture, having witnessed the last part of the fight. "Not this week!"

"Yes, Hijikata-san," Came a reply from Sougo, suddenly standing next to Hijikata, "We wouldn't want you to get killed, now would we?" And he casually aimed his bazooka at him.

Hijikata's anger reached its peak.

"Then what are you trying to accomplish all the time?!"

* * *

Hijikata couldn't express the joy he felt as he saw a cigarette vending machine down the road. Running out of cigarettes hadn't happened a lot to him, but he had noticed that his use had increased, starting from when the Yorozuya had been ordered to follow him. He could already guess the reason, damn stress. Not that he believed in that prediction, not that, the fact that he had k-

No, he couldn't even think about it. No, no way. He had to ban all those thoughts and only think about work, killing Yamazaki and evading Sougo's assassination attempts. Speaking of which, Sougo's attempts to assassinate him had decreased by 10%. He was probably planning something big… Something that would cause his demise, ruin his reputation even more and make him want to kill himself. Maybe he had actually seen him ki-

"Oi, Oogushi-kun." Gintoki snapped his fingers in front of his face, making Hijikata step back a bit and blink. "You seem to be a bit spaced out there. Did the mayonnaise finally get to you, huh? Did it go to your head? Did you maybe get brain damage from the overload of mayonnaise?"

"No, you finally got to me." He snarled.

That was actually a bit too close to the truth for his liking. The other didn't seem to think any more of it, so Hijikata shut up. It was good that he hadn't thought more about it... Or was it? Maybe it was better to let him think it out on his own, and then he could see his reaction and act according to that. Wait, was he hoping for him to find out and was unconsciously dropping hints? Had Sougo put something in his mayo that morning? He had picked a bottle of mayo that had been left on the table, instead of the bottle that he always kept with him. He could've easily-

"Oi, you're doing it again! Your inner dialogue is boring the readers!"

"Shut up, perm head! At least I have something to think with!"

"What was that, Mayora?!"

"Shut it already!"

"Gin-san will never take orders from a chain-smoking idiot like you! I'd rather die!"

"Then die already!"

"Now you made it sound like an order! How am I now supposed to die, huh? Read the situation, brat!"

"We're the same age! In fact, I'm a few months older!"

"That doesn't count, you idiot! We're still gonna be in the same grade!"

"What the hell is up with that metaphor?! Get lost!"

"I was the one ordered to guard you! Be grateful, Oogushi-kun!"

"I never asked for you, Albino! Why did you even accept the job if you didn't want to?!"

"Don't think that everyone gets a fancy paycheck by the end of the month! And my hair's silver, not white! Learn to read the manga, you idiot! Don't be eluded by the colorings of the anime, it's just to make things look better!"

"Then get a job, you idiot! And the manga's in black and white, are you colorblind?!"

"Times are hard for people like me! Try finding a job that doesn't involve selling yourself or one of your kidneys! And don't you ever look at the color pages we sometimes get?! Don't just read manga online, you idiot!"

They had attracted some attention, but the inhabitants of Edo were used to it by now. As soon as they saw the uniforms, they already knew what was going on. Explosions, lots of cursing, badminton players, gorillas, sadists, and the like were very common in the streets of Edo.

The two of them ended up arguing till they reached the vending machine. Hijikata got some money out to pay for his cigarettes, and Gintoki leaned against the machine, arms crossed.

"Hurry up already."

Hijikata just glared at him and reached down to take his cigarettes. The Yorozuya still seemed rather impatient, so Hijikata took out his cigarette as slowly as possible.

"Okay, we can go-"

Hijikata thought that the Yorozuya was maybe having a fit as his expression quickly changed from recognition to annoyance.

"Wha-"

But he ignored him and ducked swiftly behind the sign of a nearest bar.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata asked again, keeping a non-lit cigarette between his lips. Gintoki just hissed and pulled Hijikata down next to him with some amazing strength. Hijikata was going to protest, but Gintoki held his hand over his mouth and pointed at something. Hijikata, after getting over the fact that he was too close for his own liking – or maybe a little too much to his own liking – looked at where he was pointing, but only saw an old woman use the vending machine, and a girl in a maid uniform with green hair next to her.

"She's my landlady." Gintoki hissed at him, still not removing his hand, "She's expecting her rent, that's why I took this job. I don't wanna get attacked by that robot of hers!"

"Rbrt?" Hijikata's speech sounded rather silly but Gintoki just pointed at the green haired girl next to his supposed landlady. She didn't look like a robot at all…

"Now, I've got a plan." Gintoki whispered, he seemed dead serious about this. "Just follow m-"

"Affirmative, Gintoki-sama has been located." A monotonous voice could be heard above them, and they looked up to see Tama staring down at them. Hijikata, already foreseeing that it would raise some questions as to what exactly they were doing there, quickly got up and dusted off his uniform, acting as casual as he could. Gintoki got up rather unwillingly.

"What'd ya want?"

The old woman lit a cigarette. "If you have time enough to cosplay and do strange things behind signs with other people, you damn well have enough time to pay the rent! Pay up already, you natural perm!"

"What do you think I'm doing here?! I'm helping out Oogushi-kun here! Gin-san has to work hard you know."

"Affirmative, Gintoki-sama was doing strange things with Oogushi-kun behind the sign of a bar for money, and has to work hard." Tama spoke up, casually stating something that couldn't even be published in something that is supposed to be rated T.

Hijikata's mouth fell open in shock, a shadow of despair over his eyes. His cigarette fell to the ground, forgotten, and he couldn't move for a few seconds.

"You're getting it all mixed up!" Gintoki shouted at the robot, "Why do you want to change this fic so badly into something M-rated?!"

Hijikata was still rooted to the spot, but Otose paid him no attention and turned to her non-paying renter.

"Someone came for you at the Yorozuya." She said, taking a drag from her cigarette. Gintoki had stopped trying to convince Tama that they weren't doing 'funny things', and listened. Hijikata listened too, but the shadow had still not disappeared from his face. "A pretty tall guy, geta-sandals, sunglasses, talks Tosa-ben and has a big mop of hair that could rival yours."

Gintoki put the pieces together, and his expression went from confusion to understanding, and in less than a second it settled on annoyance.

"What did he want?"

"He wanted to see 'Kintoki.'"

Gintoki stayed silent for a second.

"… I'm gonna kill him…"

"You might get the chance," Otose said, "He was gonna come around again by the end of the week."

"Affirmative, Kintoki-sama was doing strang-"

"Stop registering that crap!" Gintoki growled.

"Tama, stop wasting time on Kintoki. Unlike some people, we actually do have things to do." Otose turned around, and Tama followed her after a quick bow to both 'Oogushi-kun' and 'Kintoki'.

"So…" Hijikata started, "Kintoki, huh?"

"Shut it, Mayora!"

"What was that?!"

They refused to talk to each other after that, and for once, patrolled in silence. Or at least something that resembled patrolling. Gintoki would slack off whenever he could, and had already nicked his wallet to buy some porn magazine in a konbini. He studied the magazine with all interest, not in the least embarrassed as he started to get a nosebleed. After a while, he got bored of it and threw the magazine in a trash can.

"Oi, Oogushi-kun-" Gintoki started, wiping away the blood.

"It's Hijikata." But Gintoki continued talking.

"- I've run out of sugar, let's go to that place we visited yesterday."

Hijikata bit down on his cigarette, splitting it in two. "Who the hell do you think I am, your wallet?!"

"My very dear friend who's going to buy me a parfait." Gintoki answered.

Hijikata spat out the cigarette butt and after glaring at it for a second or two, he took out another cigarette.

"I'd rather die than be your friend."

"Can be taken care of, Hijikata-san." And Hijikata could see a rocket closing in on him at a dazzling speed. He was too late to avoid it – he should've known better than to let his guard down – but he felt a pull at his collar and saw the rocket pass him by an inch before exploding into a near building.

"Oi, oi, Souchirou-kun, don't go try killing him right now, or I won't get paid by the end of the week." Apparently, it had been the Yorozuya who had pulled him out of the way at the last second.

"You can kill him after Friday, though."

Hijikata growled and barked at Gintoki to let his collar go, but the man didn't seem to hear him as he was talking to Sougo on his latest assassination attempt. He could catch 'It's Sougo, Danna' and a 'Whatever'' coming from Gintoki again.

"Ma, Hijikata-san," Sougo said, putting away his bazooka quickly.

"Oi! You just got rid of some evidence there!" Hijikata yelled, but his straight man remark wasn't heard.

"I was just coming to check up on you, it's no fun in the barracks without Yamazaki to pester."

"Oi, Souchirou-kun, you just clearly admitted you enjoy torturing people…"

"I only enjoy torturing Hijikata-san, Danna."

Gintoki nodded. "I can understand your motives."

"Why are you taking his side now?!" Hijikata was beyond furious. He wasn't even capable of comprehending how it was possible that this man could make him feel so angry and both so confused at the same time. It was all Sougo's fault. If he had not tried to kill him so much lately, he would've never needed to be followed around by this useless perm-headed good-for-nothing.

"Oi, Hijikata-kun, you're doing it again."

"Shut up, or better yet, just die already!"

"Who was the one that saved your ass not even a page ago, huh? Don't get cocky, Mayora!"

"I didn't ask you to do it!"

"Oi, are you a high-school girl that can't get over her crush, huh? Forget about the past and move on, you idiot!"

"Stop the metaphors! They're annoying!"

"I'll have you know that those are one of Gin-san's specialties, get used to it."

Hijikata just cursed. "Why are you here anyway, Sougo?"

"As I said, just going out for a stroll."

"Then get on with it!" Hijikata yelled, and went on in the opposite direction.

"Don't let him get killed just yet, Danna," Sougo said in all seriousness, "I have a special stock of explosives with Hijikata-san's name on it"

"Don't worry." Gintoki put his hand in his pockets and lazily strolled after Hijikata.

"Oi, Mayora! Walk slower!"

"Walk faster, idiot!"

"Who's the idiot here?!"

This continued on for the remainder of the afternoon, sometimes a little pause to catch their breath but then lapsing into a full argument once again after Gintoki called him 'Oogushi-kun' again or Hijikata blew smoke into the other's face by _accident_. The afternoon had gone by without any real events, beside the fact that the Shinsengumi was going to have to pay again for the destruction of a few buildings.

"We gotta go back," Hijikata announced after checking his watch.

"Perfect, first we'll stop by that new shop." Gintoki exclaimed, flashing his dear Oogushi-kun a smile before picking up the pace.

"And what makes you think I'll allow you to go in there? This is work, not a date!!"

"Ah, don't be so cruel," Gintoki said, but smirked upon hearing Hijikata's choice of words,, "I'll stop whining you know."

Hijikata was silent for a second and lit a cigarette.

"Deal."

* * *

Hijikata cautiously stepped inside the shop, peered inside and sighed in relief as he did no longer see that deadly waitress from the last time. He was no man to be afraid, but he preferred to drink his mayo-coffee without having to possibly face mortal danger all over again.

Gintoki was behind him and gave him a light push to tell him to get on with it. Hijikata wanted to snarl at the man, draw his katana and make him regret ever pushing the demon vice-commander of the Shinsengumi, but he didn't get the chance to do so as Gintoki pulled him along by his collar, damn albino.

He sat down on the other side of the table, took the nearest ash tray, and put out his cigarette. It didn't take long for someone to come take their orders, but unlike the rather strange people from the other day, an old man came up to them. They had seen him before, but Hijikata thought that the man looked a lot older than when he had seen him at that time. He paid it no further heed; it was ridiculous to think you'd be able to perfectly know how a person looked like by only passing them by, he had probably looked this old before as well.

The old man left and Hijikata looked around the room. There were two other men in the shop, probably some of his employees, but they didn't seem too happy. They were discussing some things, and he could swear he saw them eye their uniforms. Hijikata narrowed his eyes, and thought about investigating a bit.

He heard a soft clink on the table, signaling to him that his coffee had arrived and he snapped out of his thoughts. Out of habit, he grabbed the mayo bottle that was stuffed in his pocket and drowned his coffee in it without even paying attention. He was thinking too much these days, way too much. It wasn't healthy. Certainly those thoughts revolved around the damn perm bastard sitting in front of him.

It was already six o'clock, and night was coming way too fast. He didn't think he could sleep in the same room with him in it again. It was too confusing and too tempting at the same time. And now he sounded like a pervert. He was just a bit attracted, that's all. The fact that he had kissed him while he was fast asleep and had kept it hidden didn't make his actions perverted or slightly doubtable in the least.

He actually wanted to kiss him again, or at least that was what he had been trying to deny since this morning. It'd be better if he didn't think about it anymore, but he couldn't shake it off. Why did it all seem so obvious in some shoujo manga and why was it so damn difficult in real life? Like hell he was going to admit out loud he wanted to kiss the bastard. But wouldn't it be at least better when he was awake? He'd dig his fingers in his hair, push him back, kiss him so fiercely, and take off his sh-

Okay, that was too vivid of an image. Hijikata controlled the blush that threatened to spread on his face and just drank his coffee up in one gulp, putting it down with a thud and started to tap his fingers on the table. Suddenly, the ceiling looked really interesting for some reason.

"Oi, why are you spacing out all the time?" Gintoki said, his speech slightly altered by the spoonful of parfait in his mouth.

"Shut up, I'm the one getting some insight here."

"Don't get your hopes up, the writer's just giving us some insight into your thoughts, since mine are too hard to figure out, you idiot. As the main character I have to remain a little mysterious."

"You just shamelessly admitted that writers have a hard time writing you, just pathetic."

"At least I'm not a mayo-addict"

"Take that back, I don't daily eat my own weight in sugar."

"You smoke your own weight."

"You have dead fish eyes."

"It comes with the personality."

Hijikata sighed; he was damn tired and didn't want to get into another discussion that would surely end in the destruction of this shop and some possible casualties. He got some money out of his wallet, threw it on the table and left.

"O-oi!" Gintoki called after him, but the man was already heading towards the exit. He quickly ate the rest of his parfait and followed after the man with a sigh. "Don't go so fast!" He yelled after him, but he was already crossing the street. It wasn't that late, but the street was actually deserted, safe from cars that passed by every now and then.

Gintoki made a sound that was close to a growl and ran a bit to catch up with the man, only to lose his footing just before he reached him. Both tumbled down, and Gintoki landed on Hijikata, knocking the wind out of him, rubbing his own head where it had come in contact with the other man. Hijikata half sat up and wheezed a bit. His breath was suddenly caught in his throat; Gintoki was dangerously close.

He hadn't noticed their awkward position and looked up at Hijikata, who finally gave in. He took the man's face in both hands and kissed him, much like he had done the other night. It tasted the same, it _felt_ the same, but it was even better than he could have imagined. Gintoki didn't seem surprised at all and just went with the flow. Hijikata started to kiss him even more fiercely, and Gintoki responded without losing a beat. Hijikata let his hands slip under the other's shirt, wanting to hold the man even closer, and completely forgot his surroundings and the fact that they were actually in the middle of the street. Hijikata explored the man's mouth, not holding back in the least. Gintoki seemed to be amused as well, as he parted his lips and let the other man's hands wander over his chest. Gintoki did the same, and Hijikata could feel-

"Are you alright there, Oogushi-kun? You seem to be a bit spaced out."

Hijikata's right eye twitched. Since when did he have such a vivid imagination? He looked down at Gintoki, and noticed they were still in the same compromising position. He quickly got up to his feet and straightened his jacket, getting some invisible dirt off it.

"We need to get back." Hijikata kept his voice straight, not looking the man in the eye.

Gintoki's expression was unreadable, and he got up as well and followed the man wordlessly. He was silent for the whole walk to the barracks which was only about two minutes. They entered through the gates, and stopped at the entrance to take off their shoes. They stepped inside. Sougo seemed to have been expecting them, as he stood there, casually leaning against the doorframe. He stepped aside to let them in.

"Danna, Hijikata-san." He nodded at both of them. Gintoki nodded back, greeted 'Souchirou-kun'.

Sougo stared at Hijikata, and the man could feel the stare boring into his head, probably reading his mind. Hijikata caught himself panicking a little.

'_Can he read minds? Could he know? Nonononono! There's no way he could, could he? He might be a sadist, but I am the demon vice-commander, I am trained to not let my weakness show.'_

Hijikata put on his best poker face and stared right back, but Sougo continued to stare at him. He was certain his expression was unreadable. No one could guess what had just played in his mind just a few minutes ago. It was just impossible.

"Hijikata-san, you have a nosebleed.."

* * *

By the end of the evening, the whole barracks already knew of his supposed nosebleed and he could feel the stares on his back. The respectable vice-commander, nicknamed a demon, was a pervert. Ever since that damn Yorozuya arrived, his image had been broken into thousands of pieces, burned and then demolished before being sucked up in a massive black hole that lead to space.

Other rumors were also beginning to spread like wildfire, and those rumors were too close to the truth for his liking. The Yorozuya didn't seem to have any problem with it that they were being labeled 'overly-friendly guys' and just was his usual self. He also hung around with Sougo too much.

What? Jealousy? No freaking way. He just didn't want Sougo to influence the other too much, those two were worse enough when on their own.

The vice-commander wanted to go to sleep already. He laid his head on his desk – he had tried to forget some recent events by burying himself in paperwork, but surely that hadn't worked. Where was Yamazaki when you needed him? Beating up a defenseless person was the best way to get his mind off things.

"Oi, don't fall asleep, I don't wanna carry you to your futon." Gintoki called from the corner in his office.

Damn, of course the Yorozuya was still here.

"Like hell I'd let you carry me, Yorozuya."

"Really?" Gintoki stood up and was suddenly really close again. Hijikata lifted his head from his desk to look up at his face. Suddenly he could feel the other's hot breath on his lips. Should he do it? Or shouldn't he? Screw it all.

He leaned forward, captured Gintoki's lips who seemed rather surprised, though he did not pull away. Hijikata could feel himself blushing, but he didn't stop. He'd probably never be able to face the guy again after this, so he'd better make the kiss worth it. He deepened the kiss hungrily. How he had been longing for this. Gintoki seemed a bit hesitant at first, but he got over it and pulled Hijikata closer. Hijikata did the same, almost mimicking his actions. It was kind of creepy that they both knew exactly what the other wanted, but Hijikata wasn't going to crawl back now.

He had closed the door earlier, so no one could interrupt their moment. He would've smirked if his lips weren't occupied. He moved from the other's lips to his neck, and Gintoki just let him be, starting to unbuckle Hijikata's belt and his own. For some reason, this all seemed so right, and they both knew it. Hijikata unbuttoned the man's shirt, groped his chest and lived up to his new reputation. He discarded the man's trousers – or more like his, the uniform officially belonged to him, but this was getting a bit complicated. Gintoki smirked, started kissing him again before Hijikata could remove the last piece of clothing. Hell, without thinking, he took off-

"Oi, Oogushi-kun, you've been staring off into space for about two minutes now, you alright?"

"I'm going to bed." And Hijikata walked as fast as he could towards his bedroom, closing the door in front of Gintoki with all the force he could to prevent him from coming in when he was changing.

How Hijikata cursed his new found imagination.

* * *

**I feel like I'm turning Hijikata into a pervert, but we never know what's going on in his head. Ah well, also a little remark, Otose said that he had enough time to cosplay; Gintoki's still dressed in the uniform for people who had forgotten. Also, tomorrow it's gonna be one year ago since I posted my first story, so people who are also following my GinTae one-shots, there'll be an update soon. That was all for now, and no worries, Sakamoto appears the next time as well. I hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Lesson 6

**Oh my, the sixth chapter already. I can't believe I have actually managed to write something exceeding 1 chapter. Must be a miracle, or my beta aoi_aka... Probably both...**

**

* * *

**

**Lesson 6: When experiencing recurring insomnia, try counting sheep**

Hijikata tossed and turned, and still he could not find sleep. He lay on his back, and stared at the ceiling a bit. It was dark, but his eyes had already adjusted to the lack of light, making him able to see the vague outlines of the room; the other person, the door, and the katana that was still lying next to him, faithfully.

_'One...'_

_' Two...'_

Whoever said that counting sheep helped is an idiot and should be obliged to commit seppuku.

He turned on his side, back facing his roommate, and closed his eyes, almost willing himself to fall asleep. It was unheard of that he could not get some sleep; he had always been able to fall asleep easily, he wasn't the kind of man to lie awake at night thinking about the blood he had shed.

_'Who am I kidding?'_

Hijikata turned on his back again. He wasn't worried about Jouishishi invading, Edo getting blown up or anything similar. He was worried where his thoughts would lead him if he would be awake all night. He had already experienced rather vivid images due to his crazy imagination – he would rather cut out his tongue than call them fantasies – and was constantly thinking about the same person, which could not be called mentally healthy.

Most people would describe it as a crush, though he preferred to call it an interesting development in one of his social relationships. How he had managed to come to this point was beyond him, he wasn't even sure how it had exactly started. For all he knew, some strange, god-like power had suddenly taken control of him and was ordering him what to do without his own knowledge.

Hijikata immediately suspected Sougo.

The demon vice-commander sighed and tugged at his blankets a bit. He settled down and tried to vanish all the images of perm heads that were dancing in his head.

_'This is going to be a long night...'_

_

* * *

_

"Ah, Toshi, what's wrong? You don't look too good..."

Hijikata, still clad in his black yukata, shuffled outside of his room, glanced at his commander and proceeded to walk down the corridors towards the bathroom. Kondo watched him as he passed by, and continued until he disappeared from sight.

The man scratched his hair like only a gorilla could and muttered a 'he looks like a zombie' to no one in particular, and almost bumped into the man that had been following his vice-commander-turned-zombie.

The silver haired man greeted him with a small wave, "Morning, Gorilla."

"Yorozuya, you do kn-" Kondo started to say, though the man did not listen to him and disappeared into the same direction as Hijikata. Somehow, Kondo didn't think it had been a good idea to call in the Yorozuya. A bit after his arrival, Toshi had started to act strange. He was still fighting with the Yorozuya, which wasn't really any different from usual, but he seemed... troubled by something.

The man shrugged it off; anyone who had just gotten a prediction that they'd die by the end of the week would act a bit different.

Gintoki rounded a corner, and was just in time to see Hijikata enter the bathroom, or more like stumble inside. He wasn't a real morning person either but there was a limit to how much you could loathe the sun coming up.

He entered the bathroom and saw Hijikata splash water onto his face.

"Oi, don't drown yourself in that, Gin-san doesn't know how to perform CPR..."

Hijikata hadn't heard him come in. He was caught by surprise and swallowed some water, which resulted in coughing.

"Ah, even when I told you..." Gintoki sounded rather sarcastic, but put a hand on Hijikata's shoulder, only to have it slapped away by the man.

"Oi, oi Hijikata-san, be a bit friendlier to your employees." A monotonous voice said. Sougo was standing in the doorway, towel hung over his shoulders, and toothbrush in hand.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asked.

"Yes you are. I was just going to strangle Yorozuya here." Hijikata growled.

Sougo walked inside and glanced at Hijikata, who had started to brush his teeth, whilst Gintoki didn't feel the need to.

"You look terrible, Hijikata-san."

The vice-commander looked up surprised. Did Sougo, the same person who was continuously after his life and position as vice-commander, just show concern for his well-being?

"I suppose Danna kept you busy all night..."

Or not.

Sougo started to brush his own teeth nonchalantly without giving his superior another glance. Hijikata's mouth fell open, but Gintoki only grinned and took it one step further.

"He was the one keeping me up, he's such a slave driver that vice-commander of yours, Gin-san really couldn't keep up with him-"

Hijikata unsheathed his blade from seemingly nowhere and held it at the silver haired man's neck.

"You prepared to die?"

"Well after last night, I'd say I've had about the best life can offer."

Hijikata's eyes turned black, and the blade of his katana was now dangerously pressing into the side of Gintoki's neck, but his face kept its usual passive and uncaring look. Gintoki did step back a bit and bumped into one of the stalls. Hijikata stepped forward, and right at that moment, Sougo stuck out his foot. The vice-commander lost his balance and banged into the Yorozuya. The door of the stall swung open and both tumbled inside.

"Why the hell did you do that?!" Hijikata yelled from inside the stall, trying to get up but his legs were still entangled with Gintoki's.

"I am here to ensure there is enough fan service in this story, Hijikata-san." Sougo deadpanned, not even giving him another look as he went on with brushing his teeth.

Hijikata finally managed to stick his head out of the stall, or more like it was sticking out of the stall because Gintoki was trying to kick him off and his right boot was pushing against Hijikata's head.

"Fan service my ass! Wh-" But Hijikata stopped mid-sentence as he realized that they were no longer alone. By now, a few of his subordinates had entered the bathroom. They all had an equally shocked look on their faces, and all members simultaneously looked at Sougo, then at Hijikata, then at Gintoki, then back at Hijikata.

They all swiftly bowed at the same time and yelled with squeaky voices: "Sorry for interrupting, Vice-commander-sama!"

And they all fled the scene.

* * *

Hijikata was fuming as he arrived at his office. He practically kicked the door open, yelled at Yamazaki's ghost who had returned to get him a cup of coffee - a damn strong one - and he sat down behind his desk. Gintoki had escaped decapitation just a while ago, and hadn't been rather happy with the assault from earlier. The Natural Perm didn't say anything anymore, safe from the occasional insult, and took out his Jump – he still had to read the latest chapter of One Piece – and started reading, leaning against the wall closest to Hijikata's desk.

Hijikata started to reduce the stack of paper that was waiting for him. First came a report of Sougo's most recent endeavor; blowing up a bank. Hijikata put it aside; he'd deal with it later, first give himself some time to think up an excuse for the destructive behavior of the First Division's captain. He then noticed there was a report lying on the corner of his desk, not piled up like the rest of them. Hijikata took it for closer examination; Yamazaki's report on the drug-case. He was painfully aware he wasn't allowed to get involved, but he couldn't resist reading it anyway.

_Drug-traffic Report, by Yamazaki Sagaru_

Hijikata groaned; another report gone essay...

_I have not found any clear evidence to link the suspects to the case, but as we suspected, there is something fishy about them. I have investigated further and I have received information that the suspects will be meeting up with their partners tonight at the docks, 10 PM sharp._

Hijikata didn't bother reading the rest as he saw the word 'tonight' written in Yamazaki's sloppy kanji. Damn, why tonight of all nights? He was still stuck with Mister Perm Head over there and he wasn't going to be able to convince Kondo to take him along, much less let him participate in the action. Hijikata stared at the report in his hands, only to have it snatched away about a second later.

"This is supposed to be classified information, Hijikata-san, don't go reading this." Sougo said, and put the piece of paper in a brown envelope that had 'classified information' written on it.

"Oi, you just did that to piss me off, didn't ya?" The man searched his pockets for nicotine. He always needed nicotine if Sougo was in a fifty meter radius, or the Yorozuya for that matter. He had already spent enough pages thinking about his dilemma, so he wasn't going to think about it any longer. Or at least, he'd try to. The damn stunt Sougo pulled that morning certainly hadn't helped, and damn, it was even worse now. Where were those damn cigarettes anyway?!

"Hijikata-san, please don't go stating the obvious now, you're boring the readers."

"Since when do you break the fourth wall?! You're just here to pick up the report, get lost!" And with that, Sougo walked out of the room after greeting 'Danna' and bumping into Yamazaki's ghost in the hallway, who had brought Hijikata's coffee.

Hijikata wanted to yell at Yamazaki not to let Sougo touch his coffee – heaven knew what kind of poisons he had with him right now – but let it be; he didn't want to give the Sadist ideas.

Yamazaki walked into the room, put down his coffee and almost tripped over Gintoki when he wanted to leave again, as the latter had decided to fall asleep right in the middle of the room, Jump covering his face, and snoring loudly. Oh how it pissed Hijikata off to watch Yorozuya sleep peacefully while he had to fill in paperwork. He was known as the number one workaholic in town, but he couldn't deny he enjoyed his occasional days off.

"Hijikata-san, too much insight, get on with the plot please!" Sougo yelled from inside the hallway.

"Shut it!" Hijikata growled after him, and stepped on Gintoki on his way out the room, which earned him another Jump aimed at his head, and like usual, they ended up fighting and destroying another part of the barracks.

After they had both cooled off – at the exact time when Sougo had attempted to kill Hijikata for the third time while he was distracted – they had lunch – and destroyed another part of the barracks. Kondo announced at lunch that they'd have a meeting in an hour, and that all needed to be present, since this was concerning Yamazaki's findings.

Hijikata sheathed his katana and wiped some blood of it – that of all the unfortunate men who had dared stand in his way when he was trying to decapitate Yorozuya and five of those had now been brought to the hospital.

He wanted to go to the meeting room, but when he arrived, all the men were coming out and resuming their usual duties.

"Oi, what's going on?" Hijikata inquired.

Captain Harada stopped. "The meeting is already over, Vice-commander, we all wondered where you were, but we guessed you were still busy," And he glanced briefly at Gintoki, who looked fairly unscathed, for someone who had just been in a brawl with the demon vice-commander himself. "The commander told us that you would not take part in this operation, so he started the meeting without you present."

Hijikata wanted to kick someone, preferably Yamazaki.

He watched as the whole room was cleared and only Sougo remained, sleeping in the middle of the room with his eye mask on.

Hijikata ignored him.

He was stuck the whole night in the barracks, alone with the Yorozuya and his own strange fantasies. He had been able to block out most of them today, but he was not going to be able to spend a whole night alone with that infuriating man. The Yorozuya rubbed everyone the wrong way, and Hijikata was no exception. Without anyone around to stop himself, Hijikata would probably kill him, or worse, kiss him. Surely, there wouldn't be any witnesses, but he wasn't quite confident on how to handle the situation. He slapped himself mentally for even _considering _that. Hadn't he already gone through the whole stage of denial? Hadn't he already decided on ignoring the whole thing? Then why had he spent all those pages of insight in the previous chapters?

"What is it, my dear Oogushi-kun? Are you in despair?" Gintoki laid a hand on his shoulder and held his chin with the other, grinning at the defeated expression on Hijikata's face.

"Of course, if you'd had to spend a whole week with you, who wouldn't be?"

"Ah, that hurts, Hijikata-kun."

"You saying it pisses me off so much..." A vein throbbed on his forehead as he turned to face the man. He put a cigarette between his teeth to bite down on and prevent himself from lunging at the bastard.

"Saying what?"

"You know, my name."

"Oh?" Gintoki grinned even more now, Hijikata prepared himself. "Would you prefer to be called 'Toushiro'?"

The cigarette fell from Hijijkata's mouth.

"What is it, Oogushi-kun? Have you become speechless after hearing your name being pronounced by Gin-san's sexy voice?"

"Who in their right mind would be?!" He tried to walk away but Gintoki's hand was still holding onto his shoulder rather firmly.

"Oh my, it that a blush, Oogushi-kun?"

With that, Hijikata swiped at the Yorozuya with his katana, and the latter ducked narrowly by letting himself fall onto the floor.

"I didn't realize it was that time of the month, Hijikata-kun..."

But Gintoki said no more as the katana was hovering dangerously close to his neck, and Hijikata's anger had just reached its demonic peak.

* * *

Hijikata restrained himself from growling as he saw Kondo lead all the men out of the barracks. The sun was already setting, but going with all the troops to the docks would require some time, as well as patience with Sougo along. He didn't get why he couldn't come along, like hell that prediction would actually come true. If it did, he'd eat his own katana. Oh wait, if it did come true, he'd fall dead within the next few hours, or he'd find his true love. He snorted; anyone knew that was mayonnaise.

He got back in the barracks, sat behind his desk and started to fill in more paperwork. He wanted to get as much paperwork done as possible. Once this bloody week was over, he could get back into the action. For now he needed to catch up on all the paperwork. Kondo was hopeless with that, and since they had formed the Shinsengumi, Hijikata had always taken charge of these tasks.

Hijikata opened a new pack of cigarettes.

_'First, registration of new members...'_

He read over it swiftly, put his signature on the bottom of the page and continued the same action over and over again. His eyes left the paper once to look where the Yorozuya was – sleeping in the corner like always – and turned to the paper again. This continued for a while, and Hijikata was finally getting the hang of it again – think of nothing else but paper, more paper and cigarettes – when Gintoki opened his big mouth again.

"Say, Hijikata-kun,"

"Hn?" Hijikata didn't even bother looking up.

"What do you do in your free time?"

Hijikata's hand stopped in mid-signature.

"None of your business." And he continued his work.

"Ah, don't you ever relax?"

Hijikata didn't reply, nor did he look up. He heard the Yorozuya shifting a bit – was he standing up? - and resumed to concentrate only on the paper in front of him, on his desk, begging to be read, filled out and signed off. He couldn't help himself and looked up; the Yorozuya wasn't there.

"Looking for me?" Hijikata felt the Yorozuya use his shoulders as support and he leaned forward, glancing at the papers that were spread out on Hijikata's desk.

"Ever so boring I see, I wonder how you can even bare to look at it."

"People are actually capable of working, with the exception of you of course."

"That hurts, I'll let you know that I am quite capable of doing some work."

"Such as?"

"I'll let you know that Gin-san is quite the passionate lover."

"... And what do you mean by that?" Hijikata asked a bit hesitantly, though some part of him couldn't help but be quite curious.

Gintoki grinned and loosened Hijikata's collar a bit, before lightly kissing the nape of his neck. Hijikata wanted to pull away at first, but even if it was the Yorozuya, this felt too good. He moaned a bit, but didn't bother covering it up. Nor did he struggle when his shirt was opened. Instead he pulled him closer to kiss him fully on the mouth. He felt at ease, as if this was his usual routine, and undid the other's shirt, although with some difficulty.

"Who was the one who couldn't get a dress shirt on again?"

"Shut it." And he kissed him again, while Gintoki started to undo Hijikata's belt, and then his own before he-

"Oi, you've been staring into space for a while now, did the mayonnaise get to your brain again?" Gintoki yelled from the other side of the room.

"No, but I'm sure the sugar already got to yours." Hijikata turned back to his paperwork. How his own imagination kept tricking him was still a mystery. He put out his cigarette in the ashtray; it had burnt up while he wasn't paying attention. He restrained himself from lightning a new one, as he had already smoked half more than he used to.

"Before you go off into dreamland again, let's go to that shop we went to yesterday, I'm low on sugar here."

"Go by yourself." And Hijikata lit a cigarette; screw the rules, he was the demon vice-commander.

"I can't have you running around alone, my dear Mayora."

"I have to look after the barracks."

"Oh come on, Oogushi-kun, it's not like it will explode when we leave for a few minutes you know."

"Ever heard of Jouishishi, Yorozuya?"

"Don't get sarcastic on me, come along already!" Gintoki pulled him away from the desk by his collar and dragged him out of the room; nothing would prevent him from getting his daily dosage of sugar.

"Fine! I'll come along! Just stop dragging me already!"

Gintoki flashed him a grin, released his collar and put on his shoes that had been left at the entrance. Hijikata did the same, albeit fairly slower than the former, and lazily walked behind him with both hands stuffed in his pockets. The nights were always a bit chilly around this time of year. Thank God the damn shop was close-by, he wasn't comfortable leaving the barracks alone, even if it was just for a little while. Why had they gone off with all men anyway? Oh wait, he had sent the ones that were supposed to guard the barracks off to hospital earlier that day while he was fighting it off with the Yorozuya. He reminded himself to be careful of bystanders when fighting.

That was about enough insight to fill up the gap of time which they had used to cross the street, so Hijikata focused back on what was going on. Gintoki was standing in front of the shop, wanting to open the glass door, but apparently, it was closed; all the lights were out. Hijikata had guessed that much; no one was walking on the streets either, and only the red-light district was active at this time of day.

"It's closed, come on, you've dragged me out here for nothing!"

"The door is open though." Gintoki pushed the door open.

"Hey, don't go-" But Hijikata just sighed and followed him. If anyone would question their presence, he could always get off by saying he had heard a suspicious sound, being a government official had its advantages now and then.

It was dark inside – well obviously since he had stated that the lights were out only a paragraph ago – and before he closed the door behind him, he stepped on Gintoki's toes by accident, resulting in cursing and insults, which then resulted into a gay version of fisticuffs..

"Get off already!"

"Who's the one assaulting whom here?!"

They were abruptly disturbed by someone turning the lights on. Hijikata looked up from trying to strangle Gintoki and the latter from trying to kick him in the gut.

"What the hell are you guys doing here, hu?" The gun that was pointed at them was rather convincing and both of them put their hands up as the wielder of it was obviously very low on patience. He was a short man, typical Japanese looks and clothing. He didn't look very threatening, but even without police training Gintoki knew he ought to shut up when someone pointed a gun at him.

"Oi, Ikeda!" The man yelled to no one in particular, "I found some dogs snooping around!"

Hijikata cursed under his breath. One man with a gun was bad enough, but a whole gang was a bit too much to handle, really. And if they were indeed dealing with a gang, surely they wouldn't mind shooting one or two people. Talking their way out of this was also not going to work

"And what did you plan on doing after you had called me, Suzuki?" Ikeda was clearly not amused, and he seemingly appeared from nothing, though the room at the back of the shop might have been a good guess. "Just hurry up and shoot them already! Who gives a damn if they're Shinsengumi or not, the whole bunch of them is on the other side of town anyway."

"What are you talking about?" Even though he was held at gunpoint, Hijikata's voice didn't lose even the slightest bit of his usual demanding voice.

Suzuki – or Tug One – wanted to sneer at him but Ikeda – Tug Two – was obviously somewhat of his superior and gave him a look to shut up.

"Just finish these two off; we don't want the whole place crawling with Shinsengumi. You can leave the bodies here; we aren't coming back anyway." Tug Two left them again and went into the room at the back of the shop, and Hijikata couldn't help but feel slightly apprehensive at the word 'bodies'. He wasn't afraid of dying; but like hell he was going to be done in the exact same week that damn horoscope predicted his death! He'd crawl out of hell itself to prove that damn woman wrong.

He looked around the room. A distraction, a possible escape route, a way to throw him off...he found none. Why did people enjoy torturing him so much? Where was the fun in that? Was he that fun to pester? In normal circumstances, there would obviously be some sort of item he could use to get out of this mess, even yell 'Objection!' without knowing how to go further than that. Stall time. It was the only way. Hijikata wanted to open his mouth but Gintoki beat him to it.

"So, what are you guys called anyway?" Gintoki still had his hands held up, but he seemed as relaxed as he could be, which pissed Hijikata off even was sure this was going to get ugly. Why didn't the Yorozuya understand when to shut up and when to stop annoying people?

Tug One lowered his gun a little at the question and quirked up an eyebrow.

"W-what we're... called?" He asked a little unsure.

"Yeah, well you know," Gintoki replied, "Every evil organization has a name right? You guys aren't Jouishishi, right?"

"How did you...?"

"You don't have the terrorist vibe. So seriously, what are you guys called?"

Tug One grinned and raised his gun a little to point at Gintoki.

"You think you're smart, don't ya?"

"Well, really, an evil organization without a name is quitepitiful, don't you agree? I mean, there's Evening Primrose, Akatsuki, Chronos. The least you could do is give yourselves a special name, like Arrancar or the New Bloodline. You could also name yourself after the seven deadly sins or something, anything works."

"What the hell are you blabbering on about?! Those are taken already! We'll have to change the disclaimer you freaking idiot!" Hijikata yelled.

"Ah, but authors often forget those! Have you never read anything before?!"

Hijikata and Gintoki continued to yell at each other, throwing insults, and the gun pointed at them was the only thing restraining them from throwing punches as well. Tug One seemed a little confused at first – weren't these guys supposed to be partners? - but soon got enough of it. He fired at the ceiling, instantly shutting the two men up.

"That's enough pals, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against you personally, but let's just say, that a dead cop is better than a living one."

"Technically, I'm not one of them." Gintoki said.

"Don't try to only save your own ass! What kind of a hero are you?!"

"I'm still a young boy at heart, Oogushi-kun."

"Wh-" Hijikata wanted to continue, but the gun Tug One was holding clicked dangerously and was now aimed straight at Gintoki's head.

"I heard about you, you were the one who beat up three of our guys earlier this week." The man grinned. "In that case, you're the first to go."

Hijikata's mind went fifty miles an hour. All possible escape routes had been closed off, his katana was still at his side but he doubted he could beat a gun when it came to speed. And lastly, that damn Yorozuya was provoking the guy. Did he even any common sense at all?! Hijikata held his breath, it could be any second now, he'd first shoot the Yorozuya, then him. There was no escaping.

"Goodbye." Tug One's finger was on the trigger, and he pulled. On the exact same moment the gun went off, the door behind Tug One swung open, knocked him onto the ground and another man stepped in.

"Ahahaha! I don't think this is the bathroom" The man laughed again, scratched his curly brown hair and stepped over Tug One again with his geta-sandals, knocking him out without even intending to do so.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Hijikata had almost forgotten about the Yorozuya, he looked back and was actually quite relieved to see he hadn't been sent to kingdom come just now. He was sitting on the ground, and had dodged the bullet by ducking down just in time. The bullet had gone straight through the glass of the door, just above the man's head.

Hijikata lowered his arms and kicked the gun away from Tug One, in case the sandals hadn't rendered him completely unconscious just yet. He then looked at the man; tall, dark brown, curly hair, sunglasses, and he apparently spoke Tosa-ben. The vice-commander narrowed his eyes and put his hand on his katana, not knowing whether the man was friend or foe.

"Who are you?" Hijikata demanded.

Gintoki stood up from where he had been sitting on the ground only a few seconds ago, and replied for the laughing man.

"The world's biggest idiot."

* * *

**SAKAMOTOOOOOOOOOOO 3 I love the guy, not enough appearances by him in the series, and seriously, who can resist such an idiot? I find it strange he doesn't appear in much fanfics either, but at least I tried! Expect more from him next time, thank you for reading and also big thanks to all those who have reviewed, 30 reviews for only 5 chapters is just wow. OH yeah and obviously, I don't own any of the evil organizations, just borrowed them without premission.**


	7. Lesson 7

**Aren't I nice? Here I am with a cold and a feeling as if a truck's ran me over twice and I still update! My masochism aside, I have yet to start chapter 8 (courtesy of exams and the cold right now) but I have a pretty good idea of how to organise the scenes and all that, but it's just a tad difficult on paper. I will now shut up and let you read.**

* * *

**Lesson 7: Beware of the Bermuda Triangle**

Hijikata lowered his katana seeing as the man before him was obviously an ally, or rather one of the Yorozuya's many acquaintances. This man looked fairly normal in comparison to the other people the man frequented, but somehow, he was expecting that some other strange personality trait or habit would suddenly pop up.

"Mah, Kintoki, that's cruel don't you think?"

_'Kintoki? Wasn't that how his landlady called him earlier this week?'_ Hijikata thought, ignoring the Yorozuya's blunt reply.

"Sakamoto Tatsuma," the man introduced himself, "Chief of Kaientai, and-"

"The world's biggest idiot." Gintoki finished for him.

"I was actually gonna say 'visiting Earth for business' but I guess that is also true." The man once again started laughing, making Hijikata wonder if those that worked under him never got any headaches, because that laugh was surely giving him one right now. One second too long he had actually thought this man could be of any help. Maybe the gods had finally listened to his prayers and sent him a normal, helpful ally, but alas, as soon as he discovered this Sakamoto-guy was on familiar terms with the Yorozuya, he had immediately dismissed that thought and had thrown away that last sparkle of hope and crushed it.

"What are you doing here anyway, Tatsuma?" Gintoki inquired, or more like, demanded.

"As I said before, I was looking for the bathroom." Sakamoto continued to laugh.

"There is a giant hole in that explanation of yours! How the hell do you expect us to believe that kind of explanation?!" Hijikata had finally lost his temper, and had done the appropriate thing for his character, and that was to tell the man off.

"Well, actually," Sakamoto knitted his eyebrows together, a solemn expression on his face, "I was on my space ship, and suddenly, everything went black. The only thing I remember is a distinct pain between my legs and then the feeling as if I were falling. I think my space ship crashed somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle and that is how I got transported here!" The man finished his sentence with a big smile and his usual laugh, only to get kicked by Gintoki.

"Bermuda Triangle my ass! That ball-kicking female co-worker of yours just kicked you in the family jewels after you got drunk! "

"Mah, that doesn't really explain how I got here, Kintoki."

"I should be the one saying that." Gintoki grabbed Sakamoto by the collar and glared at him. Hijikata realized this was one of the rare times he had seen the man lose his temper. He was usually calm, uninterested, or asleep. He might have gotten angry as well on their many run-ins, but that was only when he was either drunk or sugar-deprived.

Hijikata lit up a cigarette out of habit, and waited until Gintoki was finished. Meanwhile, the black haired man looked around the room a bit; although it was dark, he had already been here a few times this week, so he looked for anything out of the ordinary. Surely, if they had just been threatened by a man with a gun, there should be something either valuable or illegal hidden here. He guessed it was probably both.

The fact that one of them was armed with a gun was also out of the ordinary, really. Most of the tugs he fought were always rather keen on keeping the samurai spirit high, and guns didn't really fit that image. Talking about guns, apparently, those guys in that konbini were their comrades of some sort, and they too had been carrying guns, or there were just some random gunmen walking around the city. Hijikata wondered if they were somehow involved with the Amanto, or they must have a rich guy pulling the strings and supplying them with guns.

"Oi, Suzuki, did you finish those two guys off already?" All three men – or at least two of them, Sakamoto was sort of being stamped into the ground – looked up at the voice.

The door opened.

"Stop slacking off and ge-" Tug Two stepped in, was about to pull out his own weapon when he saw Tug One unconscious on the floor, but Gintoki hit him over the head with his bokuto, rendering him out cold as well.

Hijikata unsheathed his katana and spit out his burnt-up cigarette. "I'm gonna investigate, you two do whatever you want." Hijikata knew this was not a very good idea, but he was dying for some action. He'd been cooped up in those damn barracks, only getting out for patrol, and even then nothing remotely interesting had presented itself. This _reeked_ of interesting.

Gintoki sighed, let go of Sakamoto's collar and followed his charge.

"Why are you following me?"

"If you wanna die, Oogushi-kun, do it outside of my working hours." Hijikata just cursed under his breath, but didn't mind the Yorozuya coming along. It was always handy to have someone with you at times like these. Sakamoto seemed to be still conscious, and just followed them after finding where his sunglasses had landed when Gintoki had uppercut him a few seconds ago.

"Hahaha! Kintoki! Don't be so cruel to Oogushi-san here!"

"It's Hijikata, you idiot!" The demon vice-commander opened the door which Tug Two had used to enter. Gintoki glared at Sakamoto, but didn't comment further.

They stepped inside, arriving in a relatively small room. There was a large table in the middle, a few chairs, and some boxes had been placed on the table.

"There were only two of them?" Gintoki voiced their thoughts. Hijikata nodded, but still kept his katana unsheathed. He looked around the room, and after having checked for any possible hidden passages. He put the katana away.

Gintoki did the same with his bokuto, and as curiosity took over, he went over to the table, wanting to open one of the wooden boxes.

"Don't touch those! That's evidence you know!" Hijikata yelled at him, but Gintoki ignored him.

"Oh come on, it's obvious they have something illegal in here right? Like hell it will explode if I touch it."

Hijikata actually didn't dismiss that possibility.

Gintoki opened the box – although a little more careful than Hijikata would have expected – and peered inside.

"Sugar." he stated bluntly.

"We already know you're diabetic! What the fuck is in there?!"

"Like I said; sugar." Gintoki looked over his shoulder, slightly insulted, at Hijikata who stared back in disbelief. The vice-commander obviously didn't believe the freelancer and took a look himself. The wooden box was filled with some sort of little plastic bags, with a label 'sugar' on them. Hijikata pulled out his katana and made a little cut in one of the bags; like hell they were protecting sugar with arms. He took a bit of the white powder, tasted it, and spat it out.

"Doesn't taste like it in the least."

"You drown all your food in mayo, how do you expect to still taste anything besides that?" Gintoki remarked, earning a glare from Hijikata, a death threat and various other insults. Sakamoto on the other hand, completely ignored the two and also took a peek inside the box.

"Ahahahaha! This is one of the boxes I delivered Monday! How did that get here?"

Both Gintoki and Hijikata turned to him, both of their eyes covered by a dark shadow.

"... Is something wrong?" The man shifted a bit.

"Tatsuma, you do realize you were trafficking drugs, right?" Gintoki asked after a moment of silence.

The tall man scratched his hair. "Mah, it says sugar right? I always trust my clients, even if they ask me to go get a package in the outskirts of the universe in a town with a lot of shady China men, I think it was called 'Shangri-La' or something..."

"Did your brain get separated from you when you fell through the Bermuda Triangle?! Only a brainless idiot would go pick up shady packages like that!"

Sakamoto started laughing again, only to get kicked in the gut by Gintoki who could no longer stand his idiocy. The man doubled over in pain, holding his stomach.

"Ah, that was harsh, Kintoki. Mutsu said it was alright you know. I think I did hear her say something about 'taking over the company when the cops catch the brainless idiot' but I don't really know what she was talking about." He got up again, still holding his stomach but still smiling like usual. "Ah, she's such a great employee. I can always rely on her, although she does kick me a lot sometimes."

Gintoki didn't even want to play the role of the straight-man in Shinpachi's absence, so he didn't comment on how Mutsu was actually planning to overthrow him and take over the company. Hijikata watched as Gintoki assaulted the man once again after he had called him 'Kintoki' , and glanced at the contents of the box again. He briefly wondered if he ought to call for some back-up; surely there were more people behind this than two armed men. The first thing he told new recruits was to never try and be the hero. That always ended in disaster. He wasn't going to discard his own good advice so he searched his pockets for his transceiver, but all he could find was his mayo-bottle-shaped lighter. He dug around in his pockets again. He didn't find the black box, and groaned as he realized he had left it on his desk, seeing as he was only leaving the barracks for a few minutes. The fact that his subordinates were at the other end of town didn't help the situation either.

He cursed Yamazaki for overlooking this. They had been right under his nose, and he hadn't bothered to investigate. He vowed to kill the badminton-playing spy off again as soon as this whole fiasco had been dealt with.

* * *

Yamazaki sneezed – hard. The spy sniffled a little. He felt like something bad was about to happen, but he had no idea what exactly. Of course, they were about to roll up a gang of drug-traffickers. There was something wrong with the whole situation in general.

"Oi, Yamazaki, don't go spacing out before we barge in." Captain Okita alerted him, after noticing his dazed look, "You're a ghost so you're gonna charge in first, they can't kill you with objects anyway." He added casually, and unsheathed his katana. All men were ready, Okita and his troops were going to charge in using the main exit, and the Commander was waiting in the back, read to interfere if there were more than they could handle, or if a few of them managed to escape.

A shadow of despair hung over Yamazaki's face. "He…wait, what?!" The undead spy started to panic a little. "S-sir, I don't think this is a very good idea..." He started saying, but was cut off by his superior.

"While they try and beat you up, we can charge in and finish them. If something goes wrong, Kondo-san will be able to interfere with his troops in the back of the warehouse."

Yamazaki still didn't look all that relieved. "I don't think this is going to work out..."

"Ah, don't worry about it, Yamazaki," And Okita put a hand on the terrified man's shoulder, "We'll come in and help you after ten minutes or so."

"But they could have already finished me off in that time!" The man yelled, but it seemed the captain had already joined his troops again, who were hiding as best as they could. Aside from them, the harbour looked completely deserted. Yamazaki gulped and slowly walked towards the warehouse. He looked around him once more, before slowly going inside. The gate was open, so it wasn't really all that difficult to sneak in.

It was dark inside, and Yamazaki wasn't very keen on stepping any further. It reeked of suspiciousness – which wasn't really surprising seeing as they used this place to do their transactions. Who were they dealing with anyway? He had seen those guys and found out they were picking up their cargo here, but who were their partners? Amanto maybe? He wondered if they might be dealing with the Harusame, it wouldn't be the first time.

"Come to pick it up?" It was a female voice, but it was firm and the tone resembled the one their vice-commander used when he ordered them to commit seppuku. Yamazaki felt himself trembling a little, but he had to bluff his way through this – she couldn't see his uniform through the darkness, so he could buy himself some more time.

"Y-yeah, where is it?" He asked, keeping his voice as steady as possible, but failing just a little bit.

_'Captain, please come quick.' _He prayed in his mind.

"Don't be a wuss, Yamazaki. You're dead anyway, better die the second time like a hero." The spy felt like a bucket of ice cold water had just been dumped over his head as a very familiar voice seemed to come from his jacket. He dug around in his pocket and found a walkie-talkie. _'When did he put that in there?! And moreover, how the hell did he know what I was thinking?!' Yamazaki_ screamed in his mind, holding the walkie-talkie in his trembling hand, trying not to crush it out of frustration.

The walkie-talkie crackled again. "Hurry up already, Yamazaki. We're gonna barge in in a few minutes."

_'Captain! Don't go revealing such information when the enemy is listening!'_

"Oi," Yamazaki started sweating as he felt a gun being pressed against his temple, and he raised his hands slowly without the need of a command.

"What do ya mean 'enemy'? Where are the two usual guys?" As the woman was now closer to him, Yamazaki could see her a bit better. She was rather short, wore a hat with a wide brim that covered part of her face, and she seemed to have long hair that was tied. She had gloves that covered part of her hand, and if she wasn't pressing a gun against the side of his head, he was sure he would've been able to overpower her easily. Still, she didn't sound as if she was one to be mock ed.

"Answer." She didn't raise her voice, but she pushed the gun a bit harder against his temple.

Yamazaki held his breath, hoping that his Captain – or anyone, it didn't matter who – would soon come to the rescue.

"Oi, Yamazaki, you're being held at gunpoint by a little woman, this is what you call manly?" Okita's voice mockingly came from the black box that was still in Yamazaki's right hand.

"Captain! With all due respect, this isn't the time to make remarks like that!" Yamazaki yelled, but the box was taken from his hand.

"Oi," The woman sounded quite lethal, "If you're that set on calling me a little woman, come down here yourself, brat!" And with that, she threw the box down and crushed it with her foot.

Yamazaki gulped. He wasn't sure anymore which was the most terrifying at the moment; the woman herself or the gun she was holding. Why hadn't he just stayed home to practice some badminton? The spy felt his arms growing tired, but after a swift glance at the gun, he forgot his tiredness and held them up.

He looked around the room. His eyes had grown adjusted to the darkness a bit – why did people only meet each other in dark places anyway? And he noticed they weren't alone. A few feet in front of him, there were a few wooden boxes stacked. There were also a few men loitering around, but he doubted they were just here for the show. Come to think of it, they didn't really look like drug- traffickers. But then again, drug-traffickers didn't wear a label on their foreheads either.

_'They're gonna be here any second,' _Yamazaki told himself, not even wanting to think what would happen if Okita would actually get him killed. It wasn't fair actually, why did he have to die twice in one story? _'I'm sure they won't let me get killed.' _He convinced himself a last time.

"Oi, Yamazaki, don't go spoiling the mood now by being a coward." Okita's voice could be heard from outside, "We're waiting for your second dramatic death to spice up the story a bit; we haven't had a real *** scene just yet, and like hell anyone reads a story that hasn't 'character death' or 'explicit sex' as a warning."

"Captain! That can't be considered breaking the fourth wall anymore! You've probably reached the fifth by now!" Yamazaki yelled back, a shadow of despair visible under his right eye. "And why didn't you censor that last bit?!"

"Oi, Yamazaki, don't talk back at your superiors, you know. It could cost you your job."

"I don't care for my job at the moment. I'm busy praying for my life!"

The woman cut in. "That brat with you?" She asked Yamazaki, pushing the gun a bit harder against his head.

He quickly nodded.

"They're waiting for your traumatic death?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. She didn't bother waiting for an answer. "Come out or I'll have to return this guy to you with an extra hole!"

Yamazaki sweat-dropped. _'Could you please not say such strange things when I'm about to get killed here?' _But he quickly forgot those thoughts as he heard the gun click. His life flashed before his eyes; the first time he had played badminton, one time when he got beat up by his vice-commander, when he had won a badminton tournament, the other time he had gotten beat up the same vice-commander...

A gunshot resonated throughout the whole building.

A few moments passed, until Okita spoke up again.

"You dead yet, Yamazaki?"

Yamazaki continued to stare at the hole the gun had made somewhere in the roof, and was too stunned to answer.

"Oi, Yamazaki, it's not polite to not answer." Okita appeared in the entryway to the warehouse, holding a megaphone in his right hand and a little white flag that said 'don't shoot please' that he was waving around lazily.

"Aww, not dead yet? Pity, we'll lose readers you know..." Okita sounded genuinely disappointed at seeing that the spy was still breathing.

"Why is everyone in this universe set on my death so badly?!" Yamazaki yelled, on the verge of tears.

"You the guy from the radio?" The woman asked again, taking her eyes off the terrified badminton player.

"Yes, what of it?" Okita asked, still speaking through the megaphone that now had no use whatsoever.

The gun clicked again, and she fired right past his head. Yamazaki jumped a bit at the sound and thought about making a run for it, but she quickly put the gun to his head again.

"That was for calling me a little woman over the radio. Now answer my question, this guy with you?"

Harada, who, together with all the other Shinsengumi soldiers, had just joined their captain, answered instead. "Yes, what do you want?"

"I'm asking the questions here, who are you guys?"

"The Shinsengumi, Edo's special police force."

The woman made a sound that sounded like a snort.

"So, what you here for, run out of terrorists to chase?" She said, mockery clear in her voice.

Harada lowered his katana a bit and stared at the woman. "Isn't it obvious?"

She raised one eyebrow, and clicked the gun again, reminding them of the fact that she was the one asking questions.

"One of our sources caught wind of the fact that you are importing illegal drugs into Edo."

The woman slowly got the gun out of Yamazaki's face – much to the spy's relief - and she pocketed it. "No drugs here pals," She said, crossing her arms over her chest, "Just some cargo for our client."

"So you wouldn't mind if we checked those then?" Harada asked, more like demanded as he cast a look at the boxes stacked up behind her.

She stepped to the side. "Go ahead."

Harada glanced at Okita, who just nodded and Harada, together with a few members, stepped forward. They walked over to the boxes, watching the men that were still standing next to them. Harada walked over to the first box he saw and opened the lid.

"Just sugar." He yelled back to Okita, looking at the content.

"Check all of them." He yelled back, eying the woman with his ever-present bored expression. He reached for his pocket and got out his walkie-talkie. "Kondo-san, we've got the situation under control, no need to barge in."

He received a panicked reply. "Eh?! But, Sougo! I haven't even had one appearanc-" But Okita just turned off the transceiver before the reply was even finished.

Harada, after leaving his men to check the other boxes, walked up to them.

"Regardless if we find something or not, you'll be coming with us. For assaulting a police officer, Miss …?" Only now the man realized that they hadn't actually asked her name yet, or what she was doing here exactly.

"Mutsu." She replied, "Those guys behind me are also from the company, and as I said, we're just here to deliver something, I didn't know you guys were Shinsengumi, and when working in my business, carrying a gun isn't unusual."

"Your profession?"

"Deputy Chief of Kaientai, a transport company."

The name rang a bell, but Harada posed one last question, while Okita poked Yamazaki in the shoulder to see if he was still alive, uttering a disappointed sigh as his finger hit the cloth of his uniform instead of going through it.

"And your chief?"

The faintest hint of a smirk was visible on her lips. "We lost him somewhere along the Bermuda Triangle."

* * *

"Aren't you going away already? Weren't you looking for the bathroom?" Gintoki asked, annoyance clear in his voice.

Sakamoto laughed, "You're being so funny today Kintoki, there isn't a bathroom here so I might as well go along with you guys, can't I?"

"No, you can't." Gintoki and Hijikata replied in unison. After their little discovery – and after Gintoki was done beating up that brown mop head – Hijikata has suggested – commanded – that they take the guys down to the barracks and hold 'em there for the night. He could interrogate them in the morning. They were still standing in the room, thinking what they were going to do next.

"Who is that guy anyway?" Hijikata asked.

"An idiot that fell from space." Gintoki replied, and after getting a look from Hijikata, he sighed. "Idiot From Space, meet Oogushi-kun. Oogushi-kun, meet Idiot From Space." Gintoki said sincerely.

"It's Hijikata;" The vice-commander grumbled, but Idiot from Space patted him on the back in a friendly way.

"Good to meet you, Oogushi-kun. The name's Sakamoto Tatsuma, I'm…"

"An idiot from space," Gintoki cut him off, "Visiting Earth to deliver some cargo and annoy me along the way."

There was a long pause, and then Sakamoto laughed.

"That's about it."

Gintoki ignored him after sending him a death glare, and Hijikata turned to the door, sending Gintoki a look over his shoulder.

"Stop fighting, you can kill him when we're at the barracks, I don't want to drag a corpse around."

"Idiots can't die, Oogushi-kun." Gintoki stated deadpan.

"Explains your presence then, I guess."

Hijikata pushed open the door to the shop's main room, still looking over his shoulder, eyeing Gintoki to make sure he wouldn't really kill Idiot Fr- the Sakamoto guy. He had said an old friend, but really, he had never actually met some of Gintoki's old friends, and he was almost sure he considered Katsura Kotaro to be someone like that, so he wasn't at all sure if he should be watching his back or not. Hijikata stepped inside, raising an eyebrow as he saw the expression on Gintoki's face change.

"Hijikata-kun," Gintoki's expression didn't reveal fright, but looked a bit troubled, "Instead of watching your back, I think you should look in front of you for once." The man said, pointing his right index finger past him, one of the corners of his mouth twitching up in a painful smile.

"He? Hahaha! Don't you guys have a busy life? I'm envious." Idio- Sakamoto added, slowly getting his hands up in the air, Gintoki doing the same. Hijikata didn't even want to turn around now. This was just getting ridiculous. He swore if he was gonna be held at gunpoint one more time this week, he was gonna snap.

He turned around and was met with a gun.

He wanted to kill Yamazaki all over again.

"You didn't even take away their guns?!" Hijikata yelled at Gintoki and Sakamoto.

Gintoki shrugged. "I figured you had."

Sakamoto just laughed again, but Hijikata sent him a murderous look that shut him up a bit.

One of the two tugs had woken up, and they were just back where they had started.

"Snooping around again, huh?" He didn't seem too happy as he nursed a bruise on his head a bit, "I've seen you guys around here a lot, this whole week, you've been keeping watch on us right?"

Yamazaki was going to have commit seppuku for reporting false information, but first Hijikata wanted to kick himself for not even noticed something, even though he had come here a few times over the past week.

"You found it, didn't you?"

Gintoki hiked his thumb in Sakamoto's direction while keeping his hands in the air. "He's just looking for the toilet."

The man didn't seem amused at his little joke.

"Shut up! You've caused enough trouble as it is, we're gonna end this now." The gun clicked. "You seem to have the luck of the devil," He said, pointing at Gintoki, "So I'll start with this one." He aimed the gun at Hijikata, and the last he heard was a shot.

* * *

"Sensei!" One of the students put his hand in the air. The teacher looked over his shoulder, the piece of chalkboard hovering over the surface of the blackboard.

"What?" Ginpachi-sensei inquired.

"I don't think this is an appropriate time to end the chapter, sensei." Kagura said. "It's a cliffhanger."

Ginpachi-sensei turned his head to the blackboard again and wrote down 'cliffhanger' in big sloppy letters. He turned back to his class with the same laid-back expression of boredom.

"A cliffhanger, you see, is not a situation where people are hanging off a cliff as the name suggests." And he hastily made a drawing to go with it and put a cross over it. "Seeing as you are idiots, I felt the need to clarify this detail. Cliffhangers are in in fact a trick invented by mangaka and animators."

He drew two arrows starting at the word 'cliffhanger', and wrote down the words 'mangaka' at the end of one arrow, and 'animator' at the end of the other.

"They use these to make readers buy the next magazine, or force viewers who haven't read the original work to record the next episode."

"But sensei," Kondo said from the back of the class, "Doesn't the next chapter turn out to be disappointing?

Ginpachi-sensei clicked his tongue, "It is quite true that often the events following the cliffhanger turn out to be disappointing, since the reader can just think about it, and might even come up with something better than the writer."

"So why don't we continue, sir?" Kagura asked, not even bothering to raise her hand, "We haven't even had any *** in this chapter yet."

Ginpachi-sensei took out his cigarette – there wasn't a lollipop attached to it this time – and exhaled some smoke. "Just because you got some *** in the previous chapters doesn't mean you'll get some in the following chapters, don't just go assuming things!"

The man sighed and turned to the blackboard again, writing down 'warnings' in bold letters.

"If *** isn't listed in the warnings, it won't be in the chapter. Warnings you see," He announced, facing his students again, "are put at the beginning of each chapter, to warn the reader of the content of the chapter. These warnings can include blood, violence, gore, explicitness etc." He exhaled some more smoke, "Pity for the readers, this story only has useless warnings." He continued, picking up a page from his desk. "For example, the third chapter; ascots, Jump aggression and mayo coffee. This doesn't give the reader a clear picture of the story."

"Sensei!" Kondo said after putting his hand in the air, "We're getting off-topic."

Ginpachi-sensei just stared at him, and didn't respond for a minute or so.

"...Probably, it's the writer's way of killing the tension that isn't there in the first place."

"Sensei!" Kagura piped up again, "Could this be considered a cliffhanger as well?"

The teacher sighed, wiping out the last sentence with his lab coat's sleeve without even looking.

"There, now there's no cliffhanger, you can stop nagging. The chapter's supposed to end here."

"I don't think the end is acceptable, sensei," Hijikata said, getting up from his seat, "Even I don't know what is going to happen, and I am supposed to be one of the most important characters in this story. You can't kill me off."

Ginpachi-sensei muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'I wish I could' but didn't say anything more and just turned back to the blackboard and added a paragraph.

_'After that, there is a fight . And just when the situation looked hopeless, the Shinsengumi turned up.. Hijikata revaeled his fealings, and every thing was all nice and good. The end.'_

He wrote 'the end' as big as he could and took up the rest of the blackboard with it.

"There." He said, throwing the piece of chalkboard over his shoulder in a casual manner, "The end."

"Sensei, you went over it too quickly. We didn't get an epic fight or even a *** scene." Sarutobi added, for once sitting at her own desk like a normal student instead of hiding behind the curtain cooing at her teacher. "But your writing is lovely, written by you warm, masculine ha-"

He cut her off. "We got enough of fan service scenes a chapter back or so, although they were only fantasies, it was just shamelessly adding *** in there."

He saw another person about to raise an objection, but he ignored him..

Ginpachi-sensei sighed. "Okay, we're going to vote." He said, scratching his hair. "Who is in favour of ending the chapter here, please put up your hand."

Two hands or so were raised, and Ginpachi-sensei didn't bother to look to whom they belonged.

"In favour of continuing the chapter?" All the other hands went up, and the man felt like changing jobs.

* * *

The last Hijikata heard was a shot, and his shoulder roughly came into contact with the wall. The strange thing was, normally, he was sure he wouldn't have missed a bullet hitting him, but he couldn't feel anything at all besides a bruise starting to form on his shoulder. It dawned on him. The Yorozuya had tackled him out of the way, but instead got hit himself.

"O-oi, Yorozuya..." Hijikata said, looking at the man with a shocked expression. Gintoki turned to look at him after hearing his name, holding his left shoulder.

"..."

"...You're getting holes in my uniform."

"Be grateful, you damn bastard! I took a bullet for you!"

"Stop to try being a cool bastard, you natural perm!"

"Are you insulting my perm?! Ungrateful jerk!"

Sakamoto didn't seem the least bit surprised and laughed as they glared each other down, and just used them as a diversion to knock out the man again with a kick to the gut.

Gintoki looked up from his small fisticuffs with Hijikata, some blood dripping from his nose where Hijikata had hit him; the vice-commander had gotten a broken lip as revenge.

"Couldn't you have just done that from the start?!" Gintoki yelled at him, "I just got shot for nothing!"

"Haha! I wanted to make sure it was safe." Sakamoto laughed, as he had done for the past hour, and Gintoki just glared at him, giving up his small fight with Hijikata and covering his left shoulder with his hand to stop the bleeding a little.

Hijikata watched the Yorozuya flinch a little as he put more pressure on the wound, and felt something that he could only describe as worry, though he'd cut out his tongue before ever admitting that out loud. He did wonder, had the Yorozuya only done it for the money? Or was there something more behind it?

Hijikata thought it over one last moment.

Planets were born and died. Flowers bloomed and withered. Children were born and grew to adulthood. Hijikata reached a verdict.

It had been for the money.

* * *

**Semi-long chapter this time, but it has Sakamoto! And yes, to those whose toes started to curl as soon as they read the paragraph Ginpachi wrote down, it was deliberately. An idea from my beta-reader aoi_aka. Also, I suck at drama. I tried to insert it, but I couldn't. I immediately turned it into a comedy-scene, as if it were a reflex. I am now off blowing my nose for the umpteenth time and trying to work out how that Pokéwalker thingy works. I hope you enjoyed, and once again, let me give a virtual hug to all of you who reviewed this story. You guys deserve a Justaway.**


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